Page 48 of A Colourful Country Escape
‘Nope. He’d already given me an awkward nod; then his gaze suckered onto you. His eyes were more like magnets than globes.’
Lexie tried not to think of those eyes. ‘Like I said. Even if I had any thoughts of that nature – which I absolutely don’t – they’d be irrelevant. I’m not the same.’
There was silence for a moment, as though the three girls were chewing over their thoughts. Grace was the first to speak.
‘It makes me sad that you think you’re not as good as those women, just because of a bunch of numbers. It doesn’t matter that they buy their shoes from Harvey Nic’s. You’re just as fantastic as they are, Lexie. You’re a real career woman with talent and vision. Hell, you could even make your own fortune,’ said Grace.
Lexie screwed up her face.
‘You just have to trust yourself. To believe in your ideas.’
Where had she heard this before? Was Grace conspiring with Ben, or something? It wasn’t Lexie’s job to have ideas, outside of orchestrating social media and the like. Big ideas were always followed by trouble.
‘And if you did save a bit of money, instead of squandering it all on seals in need,’ Grace continued. ‘It wouldn’t make you ugly. In fact, in life you’ve got to secure your own parachute first. If you don’t save yourself, helping others won’t even be an option. You’ll just be hurtling towards the pavement, ready to go splat like a big old pot of red paint.’
‘Nasty,’ said Sky.
Lexie considered it. ‘I guess if I had more money, I could definitely save more seals in the long run. And stranded sisters.’ She still sensed there was discord in Sky’s not-quite-paradise.
Grace rolled her eyes. ‘Both noble causes, I’m sure. But you’re doing it again. Putting yourself at the back of the queue. I’m asking you to value yourself, Lexie. To believe that you are good enough for whichever path you choose. And that goes beyond money.’
‘Definitely.’ Sky grabbed her sister’s hands. ‘Give it all away, Lex. Come and live in the commune.’
Lexie snatched her hands back. ‘No bloody way!’ If anything, her sister was an advert for getting a truckload of ISAs. She got to her feet and began pacing, full of tense energy that she needed to shake off. Why was everyone getting on her back? ‘So you think I don’t believe in myself?’
‘Well, do you?’
Lexie trailed her fingers across the furniture as she traipsed circuits around the room. ‘At times I have,’ she said hesitantly.
‘And then?’
‘And then …life.’ She swallowed back her thoughts. Whenever she tried believing in herself, it only ever came back to bite her.
Grace waved a hand. ‘The past is done, Lex. We don’t live there anymore.’
She had a way of making everything sound so simple.
‘What would you do right now, if you believed in yourself?’ asked Grace. ‘Go on, tell us. No judgement here.’
Lexie stopped, her hand hovering above a coffee table, which was far too mahogany for its own good. She knew exactly what she would do if she believed in herself. It had been popping into her thoughts often enough.
She picked up the table and dragged it to the centre of the room, where Grace and Sky were sitting.
‘Paint this.’
Grace and Sky looked at each other and started laughing.
‘Pffffff – that’s the best you’ve got? You’d paint an ugly brown table?’
‘Hey, you said no judgement! Anyway, I’d paint other stuff too.’ Lexie looked at the walls, which were still far too beige. But it wasn’tthesewalls, exactly. ‘It’s more of a feeling, really. That things need shaking up.’ She fought for the words, which were still a bit jumbled. ‘If I had my way, I’d be choosing the colour schemes. Metaphorically speaking. I’d be painting a new palette. Something more exciting.’
Sky scratched her head. ‘So what, you’d be a painter? Like Aunt Jasmine?’
Lexie had loved painting at school, but this was something more. This was about ideas. Ideas that always blossomed when Ben was around. Like his confidence in what he did rubbed off on her, or maybe his surprising words of encouragement gave her wings.
She thought of the factory, with its conveyor-belt production of slightly-too-tame shades. Was she here to brighten it? What the hell – this was just a fantasy.
‘I would rewrite the colour book.’ Lexie waved her arms like a magician, finally getting into the spirit of daring to dream.
