Page 19 of You Had Me At Pumpkin Patch
‘The new shower and toilet blocks?’ Rosie said, in a louder voice, trying her best to sound assertive rather than nagging. ‘Retreat guests are going to need a little more thanthis.’
Agnes looked up from her conversation with the chicken. ‘No budget for it. But this shower works perfectly, and they’re welcome to share your compost toilet. I can get hold of more sawdust.’
Rosie blew out a long breath. ‘This water is freezing cold, and there’s barely any privacy for people to get changed.’
‘There’s nothing wrong with this shower, although I refuse to start sharing it with half of the Cotswolds.’
The brusque voice behind Rosie made the hairs on her neck stand on end. Zain bloody Kay. Of course it was. It seemed she couldn’t have a confidential chat about anything without him rocking up.
‘And your swimming people can get changed under their weird poncho towels. It is swimming retreats you’re here for? Like that annoying woman Krista.’
‘Definitely justswimretreats,’ said Agnes, giving him her best,absolutely not lyingsmile, and trying to distract him by flaunting her one-eyed charge.
He briefly fussed the chicken’s head, before turning to eyeball Rosie and the notebook she was now sweatily clutching. He stepped forward and snatched it from her. Her heart sank. At least it only contained a few drawings and a list of general items, and probably didn’t mention the wordpumpkins.
‘So what, you’re planning to knock down trees and fill the place with breeze blocks?’
‘Not exactly.’ She bristled, putting out her hand for her notebook. It didn’t sound great when you put it like that, but that hadn’t been her plan, exactly. ‘It’s just that guests might prefer nicer facilities. Lovely warm power showers, somewhere to plug in their hair straighteners, full-length mirrors...’
‘They’ll get clean enough in the lake,’ Zain huffed. ‘And aren’t they coming out to nature to escape all that superficial, plugged-in bullshit?’
It was true that Rosie had happily shunned the expectation to do anything with her hopeless hair since she’d been here, but she wasn’t ready to concede that point.
‘I haven’t used a full-length mirror since 1983,’ said Agnes. ‘Seeing the whole picture ain’t what it’s cracked up to be.’
Rosie resisted the urge to punch the air when she saw Zain’s eyebrow quirk at Agnes’s wrongly buttoned cardigan, even if it was clear neither of them would ever mention it.
‘What else is on your list?’ Zain asked, thrusting Rosie’s pad back at her.
At least he wasn’t going to snoop through her notes.
‘Those big, stinky piles of rotting junk need to be sorted.’ Rosie waved an arm in the direction of the next field. ‘They’re an eyesore, not to mention a health hazard. I’m sure I saw a snake writhing out of one of them.’ Rosie shuddered.
Zain’s face twitched into the briefest smile before going back to its stern look. ‘Snakes. Good. The heaps must be in active decomposition. Grass snakes are ectothermic, so they need its warmth.’
Rosie gave him a puzzled look.
‘Don’t get him started on his compost,’ said Agnes. ‘Or his natural habitats for wildlife.’
‘Wouldn’t want to bore you,’ Zain said, with more than a hint of sarcasm. ‘Or prompt you to destroy their home, so you can make a fancy dressing room.’
Rosie did not like the thought of snakes, but she had to agree they’d been here long before she had. And compostwasa good thing, now she realised that was what the junk was. She would have to concede that point and learn to keep her distance.
‘They’re harmless and rarely bite, if you don’t go poking. And wear wellies.’ He pointed to the borrowed autumn-leaf-print ones she was wearing, and she could tell he was trying not to smirk.
‘Well, I’m glad something rarely bites,’ she muttered.
‘Anything else?’ He prodded a finger towards her list.
‘Better lighting around the lake,’ Rosie replied, holding her chin up, in readiness to be shot down.
Agnes gasped and put a hand over her chicken’s one eye.
‘Nature. Needs. Better.Lighting.’ He overpronounced each word with a level of incredulousness that Rosie thought was particularly uncalled for.
‘It gets so dark at night-times, and certain creatures have a tendency to fall in.’ She gave him her best triumphant stare.
‘Steve did not start toppling into the lake untilsomebodyturned up, talking too much and spooking him. And it’s a flatnoto digging up the land to lay more cables. Plus, more lighting would confuse the bats.’
