Page 60 of You Had Me At Pumpkin Patch
Rosie’s forehead creased. Zain had never mentioned having a laptop. In fact, he’d grunted and pulled ano wayface when she’d asked him if he used a smartphone or any devices. Which had seemed unusual – but that was Zain. And it had made some sense because the phone signal was patchy, and Wi-Fi didn’t stretch this far even now Agnes had it in the house. Even Rosie still used a typewriter – though she now preferred it.
So what was Zain using it for? And what were all those papers? Some were strewn across the bed and others had apparently fallen to the floor when the laptop had landed. She guessed Steve had jumped onto the bed and knocked things off.
‘I should tidy up. Don’t want you to get into trouble.’
Rosie paced to the bed and picked up the laptop, hoping the fall hadn’t done it too much damage. The screen was black, and she didn’t want to start pressing buttons. It wasn’t her business, even though she felt curious for an explanation, when its presence niggled against the version of Zain she’d come to know. She knew Agnes had a dusty old desktop, but not a laptop that Zain could have borrowed, and he’d never mentioned using one for their projects. Not that it would matter if he did. So why hadn’t it come up in conversation?
Rosie sighed and put the laptop onto the bed, before bending to pick up the fallen papers. She wasn’tmeaningto read them because she definitely wasn’t a snooper. She’d never spied through her partners’ phones or rifled among their stuff for damning clues about anything. Although in hindsight, maybe that had been her downfall. If she’d stopped turning a blind eye to Cassius’s sexy robot Google searching, or if she’d asked more questions about where her on-off fiancé James had always been disappearing to, and why he sometimes smelled of strange perfume, or the unusual inscription on his new-looking watch that he’d sworn was an heirloom...
The knot began to reform in Rosie’s stomach, only this time it was tighter. Had she always ignored the signs, even when signs were surely there for a reason? Friends had warned as much. Had her naive way of trusting people, or perhaps ignoring the obvious because she didn’t think she deserved better, been her undoing? Her eyes were filling up. She tried to blink back the tears, but a few escaped onto one of the papers she was holding.
‘Oh goodness.’ She tried to rub it off, but the paper had been scribbled on and highlighted. The ink smudged.
And there were only so many times you could keep side-stepping the signs – especially when they were glaring in front of your eyeballs, highlighted in awarningshade of orangey-red that might as well be screamingread me.
There came a point when it would simply be reckless not to.
38
‘ZainKimberkoo?’Rosie stared at the papers she was clutching as though they were bare-faced lying. And sheets of A4 printer paper definitely didn’t have faces. ‘As in KimberkooChat?’
She could feel the tightness in her chest as the words swam in front of her. They were copies of emails sent to a Zain Kimberkoo. He’d said his name was Zain Kay. Hadn’t he? Well, that was a load of buggering ruddy bullshit. If a person couldn’t even be honest about their name, what else were they lying about?
Thoughts flew around her head, and she felt powerless to stop them.Kimberkoo. Clearly, he must be connected to that AI software thing that had stolen her job at KJ Marketing. Even though she’d come to see she was better off without that damned job that had never suited her nor filled her with any confidence, why the hell hadn’t Zain said that he was somehow linked to it, when she’d spilled her heart out about losing her role? Why had he pretended that he was some kind ofhide in a log hut technophobe, when he quite possibly had his hand in the latest in artificially intelligent chatbots?
Because surely, there couldn’t be that many Kimberkoos kicking around. What was a Kimberkoo anyway? Was that one of the creatures he had tattooed on his chest, that she’d traced with her loving fingers? She winced. How many times in her life was she going to miss the blatant signs?
And if Zain was nothing to do with the chatbot company, he could at least have said,‘Now there’s a funny coincidence – same surname as me!’
Yes,thatwould have been the normal, innocent human being thing to do. So what else was he covering up?
Rosie swiped away the fresh lot of tears that were forming and prepared to read. A tiny part of her was still clinging to the hope that the emails would say:‘Only joking. My name’s really Zain Kay and I love you to the moon. Tut tut for snooping.’But she knew that was ludicrously wishful thinking. She sank onto the bed, which was a sea of messy papers. Whatever she was about to read, she had a feeling it would be better tackled sitting down.
Her eyes scanned the first page, still heavy with the guilt that she was reading Zain’s emails without having been invited. But she’d come this far, and she couldn’t unsee the glaring truth of his real name. There was no going back.
Rosie scratched her head. From what she could work out, these were printouts of questions to the chatbot Kimberkoo Chat, together with the chatbot’s answers. Zain must have emailed them to himself so that he could keep them. Where had he been doing all of this? Because Agnes didn’t have a printer. He’d clearly been sneaking off somewhere computer-friendly. Yet another thing he hadn’t mentioned.
Question: Give me the best ideas for romantic outdoor dates. Include a few pumpkins. And tell me what to say to her!
Tell me what to say to her? Rosie balked. It was bad enough that he couldn’t even plan a genuinely heartfelt date. Assuming these date ideas were for her, that was. Maybe he was hiding secret sodding girlfriends too.
Answer: So great to see you back, Zain! We’ve missed you.
So he used this thing often? Of course he bloody did. For all she knew, he could have invented it – and if he had, he was probably also a secret millionaire. Her eyes darted to Steve, who was still gobbling his dinner. If it turned out her darling cat friend was a robot too, she would never trust a living being again. And she certainly wouldn’t trust a non-living one. Steve looked up at her and mewed gently. No. He was genuine. She’d felt his warmth, his breath, the steady beat of his heart. Not that any of that had meant much for the trustworthiness of Zain.
Here are some ideas for romantic outdoor dates. We hope you manage to woo her.
Woo her? Urgh. She’d been suckered by the dating prowess of a computer programme. She had definitely felt wooed.
Idea 1: Romantic evening dinner date on a lake – including a few pumpkins.
Well, at least it was their date – this one was engraved onto her soul. She’d felt like she’d stepped onto a movie set that had been created just for her. She should have known it was too good to be true.
For this date you will need a lake and a boat.
In advance, prepare the lake by lining the jetty with carved pumpkin lanterns. You may also wish to source string lights and/or floating lights for heightened romance.
How ridiculously contrived. Her heart plummeted. She’d thought those perfect details came from Zain, with her in mind. She was surprised the chatbot hadn’t added an Amazon link to buy floating solar-lit autumn flowers and taken a commission.
