Page 68 of You Had Me At Pumpkin Patch
Rosie double-checked her notes. There was one last auction lot, and it needed to perform better than gold dust. There was still a big chunk of money to make.
‘What’s in the last box?’ Rosie pointed to it.
Most of the donated auction items had arrived well in advance, ready to be catalogued and placed online for early bids. But Rosie hadn’t seen this plain cardboard box before, and she certainly hadn’t had time to open it.
‘Not sure.’ Zain shrugged. ‘I’ll look.’
‘Come on. What else have you got for us?’ someone shouted from the crowd.
‘We’re ready to shop!’
Rosie lifted her head to the sea of people, noticing that glasses were full, and the audience was clamouring to bid. It was time for the final auction lot. She took a deep breath and grabbed the box from Zain. Then with clammy palms and a racing heart, because this was their final money-making hope, she began to open it.
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Rosie hadn’t meant to scream.
Nor to topple backwards off the already rickety stage, taking the microphone tumbling with her like she was wrestling with a snake on a stick.
‘Is it...dead?’ She was rambling about the thing in the final auction lot box, which had been furry but stiff and cold, with frozen eyeballs that had caught the moonlight and glared at her. ‘Who would send that?’
Zain was pulling Rosie to her feet, even though she was trying to bat him away. Disembodied voices asked if she was OK and shouted orders to put the stage back together, and to steady the mic and lights.
‘It’s... erm...robotic.’
Rosie allowed Zain’s words to land as she straightened herself and reclaimed her place in front of the crowd. She wasn’t sure if the microphone was back on, but suddenly she didn’t care.
‘It’s what?!’ She extracted the lifeless grey thing from the box, jumping again when it made a tinny mewing noise and tried to swipe her with its fake fur paw. Rosie did her best not to drop it, even though its sentience was more unlikely than Zain’s.
She pulled the tag that stuck out from its ear. ‘Cyber Purrz.’ It was one of their robot cats. And from the strange noises it was making, which were not unlike Cassius’s sexy robot now she came to think of it, she wouldn’t mind betting it was a defective one. Any moment, it would probably start clawing her eyes out or plotting to take over the world.
Rosie’s heart sank. As if her final hope to raise enough money to hit their target and save the farm balanced onthis. ‘I am not auctioning this dreadfulthing. It’s broken, it’s terrifying and they can bloody well take it back.’
Her eyes scanned the crowd for the three men in question – but they were already hurtling towards her in arrow formation. The tallest one reached her first.
‘You’re not meant to have this. It’s state-of-the-art and it’s not for sale at your absurd auction. It’s worth a fortune. We’re not here to bail you out of your pit.’
‘Why did you bring it?’ the medium-sized man hissed to the small one.
‘Thought it would be funny. She’s going to lose anyway,’ the small one scoffed back.
Rosie took a deep breath and stood taller, keen not to let this descend into a slanging match, with the eyes of the Cotswolds and so many media cameras ready to click.Stay classy.
‘We’re not in a pit, thank you.’
Though right then, Rosie could see no possible way of winning. Even if she had tried to auction the not-a-cat, it could never reach the sum they still needed.
Her soul was deflating, but she had to bring this catastrophe to a close. Perhaps, like most things she’d encountered here, it wasn’t meant to be. She cleared her throat and leaned into the microphone. ‘That will conclude tonight’s auction. We seem to have run out of lots.’
‘Did you reach the target?’ a voice yelled from the crowd.
‘Will you have enough to do the roof, so my cats and dogs don’t drown?’ shouted Agnes.
Rosie winced.
‘Have you saved it from the threat of that robotic cat factory, because it would break our hearts to see this farm dug up and ruined.’
‘Hear, hear.’
