Page 46 of The Summer I First Saw You
We each take a final ride into shore and reluctantly carry on to the house. I force myself to move into my room and throw my shit in a bag, then tie the surfboards on the car, but I’ve got nothing left when it’s done. The trip back is definitely not going to be the rollicking good time the trip here was.
“Promise you’ll come to Paris this year,” Oliver says as we hug goodbye.
“We’ll see,” I reply. “You know how it goes.”
Oliver walks to the other side of the car and hugs Daisy for far longer than is necessary. “You must come as well,” he says. “Name the date, and I’ll buy you a ticket.”
My temper is a rope that has frayed until there’s nothing left of it. Why the fuck is he offering to buy her a ticket? And then he whispers something, something I can’t hear, and that last bit of rope snaps.
I climb into the car, fuming, and turn on the ignition before she’s even inside. I say nothing to her as I back out and steer toward the main road simply because I can’t. I know I’m overreacting. I know I’m exhausted from wanting what I can’t have. Nothing that comes out of my mouth right now will be reasonable.
“You’re sure you’re okay?” she finally asks, her worried gaze darting my way.
My jaw grinds.Let it go, Harrison. It doesn’t matter what he said to her.
“What did he whisper to you when we left?” I snap. I meant for it to at least sound civil, but it doesn’t.
Her brows pull together in surprise, and then she flashes a grin. “He thanked me for the hand job.”
I slam on the brakes and jerk the car to the side of the road. I’m ninety-nine percent sure it was a joke, but I don’t have the capacity to deal with even one percent doubt. I’m too tired. I want too many things.
“For God’s sake, Harrison!” she cries. “You know I was kidding. I’m notthatbad.”
I know this. I know. I don’t understand why I’m suddenly so exhausted and so desperate for her at once. If there were a bed anywhere near us right now, I wouldn’t have the willpower to stop myself. “Then what did he say?”
She rolls her eyes. “He basically said he wanted me to come to France so thatyou’dcome to cockblock him, idiot.”
“Ah.” That does sound like something Oliver would do, and it would fucking work, too.
“Do you want me to drive? Because you seriously look like you could use a nap.”
I swallow as some of my anger leaves and shake my head. I’ve seen the way she drives. No matter how exhausted I am, we’re safer with me behind the wheel.
We reach the highway in silence. She fiddles with the music and convinces me to stop at a convenience store so we can get drinks. I’m too tired to even walk in with her. I’d thought I was hungover or strung out over Daisy before—now I’m wondering if it’s more than that.
She brings me a water I can’t seem to drink and then is quiet for the next hour. Joy is fizzing out of her with each mile that elapses.
“I’m sorry,” I say with a heavy exhale. “I didn’t mean to be so cranky when we left.”
“It makes me feel like I’ve done something wrong,” she says quietly, and there’s a pang in my chest.
“What could you possibly have done wrong?”
She bites her lip. “That’s kind of the problem, right? You never know what you’ve done. You only know that it’s something.”
“What do you mean?”
She stares out the window. “The last trip I took with my ex, Christian…everything seemed fine at first. Normal. And then it wasn’t fine anymore. He spent the whole trip back to DC denying it, only to dump me a day later. And when that happens, you’re stuck trying to figure out what’s wrong with you, and it’s like…it’severything. Everything is wrong with you.” Her clasped hands tighten in her lap. “I realize that it’s different with you. I mean, we’re not dating or whatever. But it feels as ifthe bottom has fallen out, and I’m going to be the last one to learn it.”
Fuck. I’ve been so caught up in my own thoughts about her that it never once occurred to me she might worry too. I reach out and squeeze her hand. “It hasn’t, I promise.” I let the pad of my thumb sweep back and forth over her palm. “I’m just really tired. I keep wondering if I’m going to be able to stay awake when we’ve still got four hours to go, and I have to figure it out fast because we’re about to pass the last decent hotels until Carmel.”
She squeezes my hand back. “Harrison, let me drive. I promise I’ll be careful. You can sleep for the next four hours, and I’ll have you safe at home in bed by eleven.”
“I don’t know that I have it in me to be in the car for another four hours.” And as soon as the words are out, I know they’re true. I can barely stand to be in the car for another five minutes. I unlock my phone and slide it to her. “Book us two rooms at a decent hotel in Pismo Beach.”
She laughs. “It’s ridiculous to waste money on two rooms. I’ll just get us two double beds.”
Oh God. I might be tired, but I’m not so tired that I wouldn’t make a disastrous mistake if we were sharing a fucking room. I bet I’d get a second wind in two seconds if the opportunity presented itself. Especially after an entire weekend of built-up lust from watching Daisy in a bikini and having no opportunity to, uh, discharge it.
