Page 47 of My Favorite Bad Decision
“What about you, Miller?” asks Stacy. “You’re very quiet this morning.”
He looks up from his plate, slightly blank, as if he wasn’t listening. His smile is forced. “Coke, then beer, two showers, a real pillow.”
I wonder if I’m the only one who notices the unhappiness in his voice beneath it all.
We begin the final trek to the Mweka Gate after breakfast, descending five thousand feet over the course of three hours. My energy is endless this morning…aside from the incident with Miller, it was the best night’s sleep I’ve had since I left New York, and the downhill climb is so easy it’s hard to believe it’s still considered exercise.
The path turns muddy as we enter the rainforest, and my feet begin to slip, but it’s hard to slow down when the hike is easy for the first time the entire trip.
Miller is close to my back, clearly worried that I am going to wipe out if he’s not there to catch me. A week ago, I’d have told him to fuck off. Now I just love that he’s watching out for me, which he’s done this entire trip, even when I was being a bitch to him.
“Slow down, Kit,” he warns.
“I’m fine.” I look back over my shoulder at him. “Worry about your?—”
My feet fly out from under me. Miller lunges and grabs me before I go face-first into the jagged rocks below and suddenly I’m pressed tight to his chest, which is rising and falling fast.
“Jesus,” he whispers. “You scared the shit out of me.”
We are too close, and I don’t want it to end, but it has to. I step backward quickly. “Thanks for?—”
The words are barely out of my mouth when he has snatched me back to him and turned me so that my spine is pressed to the wall of boulders behind me. His mouth is a millimeter from mine.
I’m not sure what we’re doing, but my breathing seems to have stopped. It’s a half second at most, but I’m strung so tight that I can’t think, can’t move, can’t breathe. The force of how badly I want Miller is like a virus, coursing through my blood.
I can hear last night’s groan in my head as if it’s happening in real time. I would give up decades just to have Miller’s mouth on mine once more.
A porter is humming as he approaches from above. Miller releases me.
“Thanks,” I say again, still breathless. As if the moment he spun me against that rock never happened. As if he just kept me from falling and set me politely on my feet.
I turn and continue to walk toward the gate, more careful than I was.
I need to be a lot more careful on many fronts.
After another hour, the buzz of the forest grows louder, and the trail flattens out. Everyone’s pace quickens, as if we can sense our proximity to civilization somehow. The porters sing, Leah belts out a few more show tunes, and everyone continues to talk about showering until we reach the bustling Mweka Gate, where porters are already stashing the bags on top of our bus.
I’m too thrilled by the sight of a real shop to be sad that it’s over. We go inside and buy Cokes, then sit around an outdoor table to drink them.
“God, I’ve missed carbonation,” says Maddie. “Carbonation, I’ll never leave you again.”
Stacy laughs. “Not so fast,” she says. “You haven’t heard about the trip I’m planning for next year.”
Maddie glances at Alex. “I don’t know if I can go,” she says. “I, uh, was going to wait until we got home to tell you, but I got into grad school. I’m gonna get my MSW.”
Everyone looks at Adam. Evenmybreath holds.
“Honey, that’s fantastic,” he says, eyes shining with pride. “You’ll make an amazing therapist.”
Her smile is relieved. “Thanks, Dad.” She glances at Alex again, and he shakes his head. Maybe he’s not ready to tell his dad or perhaps he thinks it will be too many defections at once.
I hope he makes the break eventually. I hope I make the break, too. It’s easy to think you’ll change course when it’s still a week and thousands of miles away. It’s harder when all the forces that put you there are once again front and center.
We tip the porters and thank them before we climb on the bus and Miller takes the row behind mine as we collapse into incredibly plush seats. Did I notice how soft these were on the way in? Not for a minute. They’reamazing.
“I think I’m starting to understand your six-month rule,” I tell him.
He grins. “Wanna come to Everest with me next summer?”
