Page 54 of My Favorite Bad Decision
“What did you do the whole time?” she asks. “I mean, I know you were climbing, but you must’ve had downtime. I would die without Internet for that long.”
My eyes fall closed for a minute as I picture myself curled up in a sleeping bag next to Miller, watching30 Rockand eating his chocolate. Lying in the dark, listening to him breathe. God, I was in so far over my head, and I didn’t even know it.
I shrug. “You’re pretty tired after the climbing. For the most part you just want to sleep.”
“Let me see your pics,” she says.
She’ll only be scrolling through, looking for Miller. I hope I didn’t focus on him too much. I open the phone, quickly hide the photos I took just of him, and hand it over.
“Jesus,” she says, fanning herself. “He’s just as hot with that full beard as he is without one.”
Please let this go, Mare. Please. It killed me to let you have him the first time.
I wouldn’t survive it a second.
I pull the phone away from her with my stomach in knots. “What time is this appointment Mom made?”
She glances at her diamond-encrusted Cartier watch. “Argh. We better get going. Put on some clothes Ulrika won’t have a tantrum about.”
I laugh as I walk to the bedroom. “She’ll have a tantrum aboutsomething. I’d rather it be my clothes than my weight.”
Maren laughs. “Are you kidding? You look emaciated. Your weight is the one thing shewon’thave a tantrum about.”
Thirty minutes later, we arrive at the salon to find my mother fuming, though we’re not late. “You could have replied to my texts,” she snaps.
“Mom,” Maren argues. “It was after one when she got home.”
My mother ignores this. “Your nails are a disaster,” she says to me as she examines one of my hands. “Get that taken care of before my birthday party, please. I’ve got someone coming over to do our spray tans tomorrow night, and someone else will be there Saturday afternoon to blow us out.”
I simply nod. It has been like this with her for most of my life—no matter what goal I set or what I accomplish, her primary concern has always been my appearance. Her beauty was what got her ahead in life, and she can’t picture another way forward for her offspring.
I sometimes think that’s why Maren wound up with Harvey…because my mother worked so hard to convince us both that our looks were all we had to sell.
“Well,” she says, looking me over, “at least you came back skinny.”
I laugh to myself. “Kilimanjaro was amazing. Thanks for asking.”
My mother dismisses this with a roll of her eyes. “I refuse to dignify the whole experience by asking questions about it. I still can’t believe your father made you go.”
In a way, I can’t either. My dad loves me—that is indisputable. And maybe Miller made it sound like a relatively easy climb and Dad figured, just like I did, that anyone who can run a marathon can climb to 18,000 feet. But having done it, I don’t think I’d suggest anyone attempt the climb with as little preparation as I had. Unless they’ve got a Miller of their own there to help them along, anyway.
“It was one of the coolest things I’ve ever done, Mom. I don’t regret it.”
I think it’s true. I just wish I hadn’t returned quite so unhappy with the life I had before.
15
KIT
I’m spray-tanned, my nails are done, and my hair is blown out. My mother’s had a strapless red satin dress delivered to the apartment for me and it fits like a glove.
If this was anything but her birthday party, though, I’d tell them I was under the weather and stay curled up in bed.
I don’t want to put on the dress. I don’t want to do my makeup. I don’t want to sit around with all Mom’s friends while they grill me about a future that’s now entirely uncertain.
I can’t tell them it’s over with Blake before I’ve passed on that information to him. And I’m not going to announce my intention to return to medical school when I’ve got no idea if I can get back in.
Blake calls while I’m getting ready. He’s in a car, and I’m on speaker. As usual, I’ve got half his attention, if that. He’s cursing at another driver, asking me to hang on for a second while he puts someone else on hold. I hate when he does this normally because it makes me feel like I’ve got to rush. Tonight, I’m just grateful.
