Page 53 of My Favorite Lost Cause
Someone like Maren, clearly. This dick is two seconds from asking her what her ring size is.
“Anyway,” I cut in, ignoring Maren’s sharp glance, “this developer wants the place, and he must be paying people off because we were condemned immediately, and they’ve only given us thirty days, which is barely enough time for an appeal.”
Maren kicks my foot and smiles at Andrew. “I just thought since you’re from down here and this is what you do for a living, you might have some thoughts.”
Andrew shrugs. “I’m actually from North Carolina, but I do have some thoughts on how to proceed. Why don’t I come see the place, and we go from there? I’ll file the injunction immediately, but it’ll be easier for me to go to bat for you if I can say I’ve seen it with my own eyes.”
Bullshit. It’s not the fucking property he wants to see with his own eyes.
“That would be fantastic,” says Maren, “if you can spare the time.”
“I’ve got some friends golfing in Hilton Head this week, and I was thinking about coming down for a few days anyway. What if I swing by Friday, and then I’ll head there after? And you might want to ask around, in the meantime, to see who in town is benefitting. The Junior League/country club crowd would be a good place to start if you have an in.”
“I’ll get right on it,” Maren says. “Friday is perfect.”
Andrew is grinning ear to ear. “It’s a date,” he says.
No, it fucking isn’t.
We end the call, and she bounces off the step and throws her hands in the air. “It worked!” she shouts. “Charlie, he’s totally going to solve this for us. I know he is. I can’t believe he’s coming down here.”
I squeeze the bridge of my nose. “Did we just sit through the same call, Maren?”
Her mouth falls. “What are you talking about? You heard him say point blank that he has thoughts, and he’s even coming to see the place. I mean, I know it’s not in the greatest shape, but that’s sort of the whole point…we’re working on it and?—”
“He’s coming down here to fuck you,” I say between my teeth. “Helping us with the house is just an excuse.”
She stares for a moment, then laughs. “What?That’s crazy.”
“Maren, he didn’t look at me once through the entire call.”
“He was on video! You couldn’t even tell who he was looking at!”
“I could fucking tell,” I growl, gripping the step beneath me. “He ended the conversation withit’s a date, for God’s sake.”
“That’s just an expression, Charlie. People use it all the time.”
“Yeah, especially when they’re flying several hours south to fuck the girl they’ve just said it to.”
“Stop saying that,” she scolds. “It’s so crude.”
“Oh, I’m sorry, Maren. He’s coming to make love to you. Is that better? He’s coming to initiate the biological processes that lead to reproduction.”
“Charlie, he did not say a single thing like that on a call during which he was speaking to both of us.”
I climb to my feet and walk down the stairs to where she stands. I’m too close to her, too angry. “Ah, so the part where he’s crying about how bad he wants kids was for my benefit, was it? That’s a perfectly normal thing to share with a dude you met five seconds prior.”
Her arms fold, pushing her gorgeous, way-more-than-a-handful rack up to its full advantage. The sight alone would have Andrew waiving the prenup. It could makemewaive a prenup, and I don’t even want to get married.
“I have no idea what’s wrong with you,” she says. “He was lovely, he’s obviously going through a hard time, and he’s going to help us out. That’s all you should be taking from the conversation.”
“He’s the guy you mentioned, isn’t he? The one you thought you should have married?”
She blushes. “Yes, but…I had no idea he was separated. That’s not why I thought of him.”
I walk inside before I say the words bubbling up within me. Words that go something like this:I saved this house for you. But I’ll burn it to the ground to keep you from winding up with someone else.
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