Page 71 of My Favorite Lost Cause
“Don’t drag her into this,” I hiss. “There was nothing hard about this situation.”
“Of course there was,” Mom says. “You said so yourself. Yousaid everyone was going to be treating you like an Oscar actress who’d lost or something along those lines.”
I huff. “I said everyone was going to be watching my reaction.”
“And it was uncomfortable,” she says with a smug smile, “so Charlie came.”
And yeah...thatiswhy Charlie came. But I don’t need the whole family believing it. And I’m scared to allow myself to see this as part of a pattern, a consistent record of Charlie doing his best to take care of me when it wasn’t his job. “Tell her she’s nuts, Kit.”
Kit grabs her coffee, plus the one she’s just made for Miller. “It’s too early for this conversation. Mom, Charlie isn’t selfish.” She turns to me with an apologetic smile. “Maren, he does care more about you than all the rest of us, and yeah, you’re definitely, a hundred percent the reason he was here. It’s kind of sweet.”
“It’s not sweet,” my mom replies. “It’s disturbing. Make sure he’s not getting the wrong idea if you go back, which you should not. Let yourself be one of his many conquests and you’ll ruin everything.”
“Don’t be ridiculous,” I whisper, turning away as tears sting my eyes.
I have no idea what’s going on right now. I don’t know why I’m upset. I don’t know why I have all these useless feelings for Charlie that can never turn into anything, and why he has these useless feelings for me.
I abandoned ship with Harvey, and that was a huge step backward. But to start something with Charlie? That’d be like taking a knife to the life raft too and jumping into the stormy sea.
Unfortunately, jumping into the stormy sea is the only thing that holds any appeal.
I blame Margaret, even if she’s not here.
31
CHARLIE
Iwanted her to come back so I asked her to come back—but there are times when the people you love are best served by dishonesty.
And that moment on the tarmac was definitely one of them.
I don’t want the same things she does. I can’t give her what she wants out of life. It’s insane for her to give herself away to someone as boring and useless as Andrew fucking Murray, who might provide her with kids but will never make her happy.
But it would be more insane for her to choose me. I’m sure she’s aware of it, and after the stunt I just pulled, what are the odds that she’s even going to return?
And God, I shouldn’t have kissed her because how am I ever going to forget the way she fuckingsubmitted, the way her mouth opened? How am I going to forget that needy little sound of protest she made when I pulled away?
I get back to Riverbend and go straight to my cottage. I unbutton the shorts and reach into my boxers. I’m already heavy and swollen at the thought of her, at the memory of that sigh. I fist myself, imagining her lovely pink mouth, imaginingher dropping to her knees and sucking me off as if there was nothing she wanted more. I come hard, my back falling to the door.
I get maybe two seconds of ecstasy, and then my eyes open.
Fuck.
One more thing that didn’t happen, that will never happen.
I’m just standing here like an asshole with come all over my hand, thinking about a girl I’ve wanted pointlessly for a decade, and will continue to want for a decade more.
And who am I kidding? It’ll last more than a decade.
I shower, take a quick nap, and head to the house, where Elijah—in the middle of tearing out a rotting baseboard—does a double take. “That was fast.”
I shrug. “I caught a ride home with some guys.”
“Rich people,” he says with a laugh under his breath. “Did Maren come with you?”
My grip tightens around the hammer. “I’m not sure if she’s coming back.”
His eyes meet mine and he climbs to his feet. “What did you do?”
