Page 124 of My Lovely Tragedy
I grit my teeth, fisting the blanket still tangled around my legs, feeling smaller, more… susceptible than ever. “So, thenwhy?”
“Because I made a promise, and I intend to keep it.”
“What the fuck does a promise like that even matter? It doesn’t. You fucking kept me captive here with you. Doing whateveryouwanted. So, what’s a little longer? It’s somethingIwant.” I sound hysterical, even to my own ears. Tone pitched too high, bordering on a squeak. Clogging with a fresh wave of tears.
Tears of pain and disappointment andpanic.
“Is that really what you want, darling?” I’m nodding desperately. More tears scatter. “To stay without my chains keeping you here? Of your own free will?” My nodding slows to nothing, leaving me twitching with vacancy.
Yes,I want to scream.But it’s not that easy. Your binds made it easier. Decided for me so I didn’t have to.
Don’t take that away…
Please, Tobias, anything but that.
“I thought so,” he responds softly. Resolute.Knowing.
I fucking hate it. He’s not right—he’snever right.
Except when he is…
“Fuck you!” I scream, face heating when my voice cracks. “I want to stay,” I bite out through gritted teeth. “I want to.” And I realize, even as I panic with the possibility, it’strue.I do want to stay with him—because with him, the world around us ceases to exist.
In this cabin, surrounded by mountains and trees andair,we’re free. To give up pretenses and deceit, fallacy and chagrin. From past failures and forced denials.
We’re free to be who we are—no longer forced to hide or make ourselves more comfortable to those around us.
I haven’t had to bear the shame of who I am.What I need.Because Tobiasknows.He’s seen every disgusting, hideous face I wear, all the way down to my marrow, to my core entwined with a malignancy that’s never not been victorious in consuming me—except when he, himself, has fought against it.
Giving it what it needs without stripping me of my self-proclaimed promises.
A loophole within my morality.
He knows just what to do because he lives with that same toxin inside of him. I’ve seen it—in flashes. And it doesn’t scare me. Not anymore.
If I can make him see that… maybe—maybe I haven’t made it undeniable… how I feel for him. What… what’s happened. What’sstillhappening.
“No, you don’t, darling.” Tobias moves closer until our sides are pressed together and he can tangle his fingers into my hair. He presses my face against whatever expensive material his sweater is made of with an unyielding grip. “You want to go home to your family. See their faces. Remind yourself thereisa world outside of the small one we have created.”
I shake my head, hating how fuckingsofthe feels. It’s like a slap in the face, but when I try to pull away, he tightens his arms. Almost like he knows I need him to keep me from hurting him.
Because, right now, I really feel like I could stab him straight through his fucking sternum to pierce that hollow, black heart beating inside him.
“No, I don’t. They don’t care—not… not like I need them to.” My tone wavers, but I force the rest out with a raspy strain.Is it a lie?“I need to stay, Tobias. Please—” My voice cuts off with a sharp crack.
He ignores my pleas, even as they spill out in a spool of unintelligible nonsense. Caked in layers of tears and snot bubbling out, making a mess all over Tobias, which I know he hates, but he doesn’t ease his grip on me for even a second.
I hate him for it.
I’d rather be left in the cold—or better yet, the darkness.
“You cannot stay, my lovelycorvus.” His words are like the sharp crack of a whip across the expanse of my back. I jerk away from him, fighting against his powerful embrace. He lets me go, arms falling to his sides, where they thump against the wooden floor. My eyes fall to his spindly fingers, over the prominent veins, to where the dark hair smattered over forearms disappears beneath his rumpled sleeve.
My heart hammers away in my throat, a pressure unlike anything I have ever felt. It really feels like it’s about to burst from the confines of my body, too big to be contained. “Why?”
“Because you were never meant to.”
“But—” My jaw falls open before snapping closed with a loud crack inside my skull. Teeth slamming, sinking into the soft flesh of my tongue. Copper explodes over my tastebuds, but I barely register it or the unnatural trickle down my esophagus.
