Page 128 of My Lovely Tragedy
But… sometimes what we want before isn’t what we need after. Or who we love after.
Sometimes everything fucking changes.
“Keep going, my love. You are doing wonderfully. Yes, again.” He’s so easy to follow. To just listen and do as he says because he knows me. He knows what I need and how to give it to me, and now I’m about to drive back into the city. Alone.
Where I’ll be alone and feel alone. Suffer and bathe in loneliness.
And when he pulls away, drags me to my feet and steps away, I know this is it.
This is where I leave him. Where he makes me leave.
He guides me to the front door, body stiff, yet unusually fluid. He places his coat over my shoulders and brushes his hands along my trapezius and down my biceps before stepping away. After shoving my feet in my old, untied boots, I turn around, raking my eyes over his back. Over every hidden muscle and curve. The slope of his neck, covered in bruises. That shimmering link of gold.
He places the fob to his car in my hand and curls my finger around it—just as he did for his phone. He doesn’t pull away, and neither do I. We stare at each other, my vision swimming with unshed tears, his stony and unwavering in its intensity. Always seeing so far and so deep.
I pull in a shaky breath as he leans forward. His lips brush my forehead. A whisper of touch, even as he lingers. Something sturdy and flat presses to my chest, ensuring my fingers grip it just before he pulls away and steps back.
As I glance down at my notebook, the door cracks open, letting in an abundance of sunlight along with a cool, early spring breeze. I shiver, feeling the vacancy already. Tugging Tobias’s coat tighter around me, I descend the stairs and truck through the fresh mud.
When the car door cracks open, a waft of his smell hits my nose, choking me. I stumble back, gripping the top of the door for support. At the creak of wood, I whirl around, finding Tobias standing on the deck in nothing but his slacks, a blue sweater, and shiny black shoes.
His eyes are scrunched against the sunlight, and he looks so good right now as I fucking leave him that I can’t stand it. I dip inside the car and slam the door behind me. The sound makes my ears ring as I start the car, then dig Tobias’s phone out of my pocket to toss in the passenger seat along with my notebook.
I sit with my hands on the wheel, the radio a tuneless background as I stare through the windshield, through the glare of the hottest star, to Tobias.
My very own sun, having melted my wax wings, and sent me barreling into the frigid depths of an endless sea.
I know tears are falling, but I don’t feel them. Everything’s numb and cold and—I suck in a breath, which burns into a hiccup, then a sob. It wracks through me so potently, I nearly throw up. My back bows, sending my head crashing into the headrest. I scream out, slamming my hands down on the wheel until my palms pulsate with their own throb.
There’s a vortex of air. Of vanilla and honey.
My head whips around, sending droplets of tears and snot airborne. Tobias drags his sleeve over each eye with a tenderness that draws another agonizing hiccup. He hushes me quietly. Cups his hand against my face, fingers wrapping around the back of my skull as his thumb drags over my lips.
“It’s time for you to go, my belovedcorvus.You needn’t worry. You are beautiful and brilliant, and your life will be full of wonderful things. Go and fly, baby. Spread your wings and soar—as you were always meant to.”
Fuck. I didn’t think the crack could spread any wider.
I fall into it—into myself.
“But what about you?” I sniffle and lean into his hand, dragging my cheek over his palm. “What about you, Tobias?”
He smiles softly, a thing full of sorrow, before brushing my hair away and leaning in to press his mouth against my forehead, lingering.Breathing me in for the last time.
He pulls away, dropping his arms.Letting me go.I chase after it but fall short when he draws his own hands around his neck. I follow the ugly pattern of my marks. The only thing I gave him.
The only thing he has to remember me by.
Gold glints in the air, swinging in the breeze as his necklace comes into view before disappearing just as quickly. His arms encircle my throat, fingers grazing my nape, and then a soft weight settles along my sternum.
I pick up the key. Turn it so it catches the light. “It’s time, darling. Go on. Go home.Live for me.” Just as I jerk my head up to look at him, the door is closing in my face, separating the two of us.
The final blockade.
With my eyes on him through the gleam of glass, I put the car into reverse, choking on a fresh wave of sobs as the distance grows between us. My foot slips on the break, causing the car to lurch as I slam it into drive.
I hesitate, fingers burning and my mind disintegrating as my soul rips away, severing the very last tether. I watch the luminescent shimmer of it carrying in the wind as it searches for its true vessel.
The man who filled me and stole it all in the same breath.
