Page 49 of My Lovely Tragedy
I look away.
“That’s pretty crazy,” I say instead, unraveling another string of thread. At this rate, I’ve practically destroyed the blanket.
Tobias doesn’t care.
“Is it?” he replies easily, hands folded, fingers entwined over his closed computer. And the blatant power imbalance between us in this very moment has never been more obvious.
I should probably care about that.
“Yeah. I mean, you don’t know?—”
“I’d like to say I know you well enough by now, Brooklyn. That excuse truly does not have the traction it did a few weeks ago.”
I rear back, lips curled against my teeth. “Well.” I huff a breath. “All right.”
“Would you like to try again?” My eyes narrow.Is he fucking amused right now?
“Well how about the factIdon’t fucking know you,” I mumble.
Tobias’s head tilts to the side, eyes glued to my shoulder. “What does you not knowing me have to do with my desire to care for you?”
Frustration grows, unfurling tight and uncomfortable in my gut. Up my esophagus. “I don’t fucking know!” I shout, throwing my hands into the air, then letting them fall into my lap with balled fists. “I don’t know anything.” A painful admission.
The electric silence stretches in vibrant waves interwoven into the shimmer of setting daylight. The snow outside sparkles through the opened curtains.
So white, so pure. Untouched.
Unblemished.
Like I wish I was.
What I would give to just… start again.
“I will tell you anything you would like to know, Brooklyn. You need only ask. But perhaps you should quitthinking so hard, lest you strain yourself when you’re only just coming out of a depressive episode.” His delivery is mechanical, void of emotion aside from the smallest lilt to his tone when he spoke my name. It rolled off his tongue with a reverence only heard when people speak of their beloved.
And I guess… maybe that’s what I am to him. Beloved.
But no.
It’s only a nickname.
My head falls back against the couch. I follow the swirls of patterns behind my closed lids. “It’s hard. Not letting the rush of it all swallow me. It’s almost like the opposite of being depressed. When you finally come out of it, you remember everything you’ve been avoiding. Or… more like everything you couldn’t deal with. Or take care of.”
“The reminder that life hasn’t stopped moving just because you have.”
I shoot up, eyes searching. And I find exactly what I’m searching for—hoping for.
“Y-yeah.” I nod earnestly. “Yeah exactly.”
Tobias returns the sentiment. “I know.”
“You do?” I perk up at the possibility I’m not alone.
“I do. I cannot say I have fallen as deeply as you have, but I understand the feeling. I’ve felt it numerous times over the course of my life.” His gaze shifts toward the window to his right, his body moving to accommodate.
“Were you alone?”Like I’ve always been.
“I have been alone until you entered my life.” His words are spoken softly, almost pitiably—if I believed Tobias could ever feel that way about himself.
