Page 62 of Make Me Pretty
He can’t hate this.I won’t let him.
I reach down and place my fingers at the base of his throat. Feel the roll of cartilage as he swallows. “The nightmares, I know.” My words are cinched tight, barely able to escape my throat. I don’t realize my own tears are streaming until a drop slips from my upper lip to splash on Peris’s chest. I stare at it for a moment, hating the heat of embarrassment. Of shame.
Of what’s real.
“But you can, baby. Justlook at me.”
Seconds pass in several lifetimes. The air charged but so still, like the simple spark of static will engulf us in hellfire.
I watch through bleary eyes as his face bleeds through his emotions, all displayed so vividly. Horror, confusion, revulsion—there’s a lot of that. Pain and affliction.
Undilutedfearfearfear.
And then… his lip curls in disdain as he wrenches his eyes open, pinned and glaring at me with malicious intent.
I smile.
There’s my Peri boy.
“Yeah, that’s good, baby. You can be angry. It helps. Something familiar that’s easier to control.” I purse my lips and press them to his bare skin. He hisses and snarls, snapping his jaws like a feral dog.
I’m elated.
“I fucking hate you.” The venomous words echo as he croaks them out. “You think this is okay?” He snaps his hips up. My eyes roll back as the air is punched from my lungs, the skin on my ass smarting from the slap.
“No.”I really don’t—I just don’t care.
“Because it’s fucking not. This—" Peris growls. Holding my hips, he pins me to his chest as fingertips slide beneath my waistband, tugging my boxers against my newest burns. “This isrape too, runt.” The sharp, wavering bite of truth wraps like a vice around my hammering heart, spoken through each thrust.
I grunt with every slap, face sliding over his slick chest. Sweat burns in my eyes. “S’not,” I croak through his abuse. His intense hammering slows fractionally, allowing me to suck in a breath.
Fuck, there was a purpose to this, but the fog in my mind is making it hard to think. Endorphins rush through my bloodstream, sending me higher and higher. The tight, too-dry pressure. The push and pull.
Hate and desire.
Fear and abhorrentacceptance.
I flick my tongue out again, needing to taste him. Peris grips my hair and yanks my head back. His eyes are half-lidded, his guise shattered in a mixture of horny hatred. It’s a good look on him—and he looks good in me.
His tongue darts out, running over his pouty lips, and my brain misfires. I’m slack-jawed and stupefied, and I clench around his cock because I can’tnot.Even in the gloomy darkness, the glaze of his eyes is lucent.
He wants to hate this so bad.
“S’okay to fuck me. To want to.” My leaden tongue finally forms the words, even slurred. I clench around him.
Peris’s eyes pinch like he doesn’t understand. “It’s not… that simple,” he grates, fingers flexing in my skin.
“It feels good, yeah?” I ask, already knowing it does. He can hate this as much as he wants, but now that I’ve taken the single choice from him, it’s as easy as breathing.
All he has to do is take a breath.
I plant my hands on his chest to push myself up, huffing as his length shifts inside me, settling deeper. Peris’s head rolls back on his pillow, sweaty hair mussed and clinging to his forehead. Every muscle spasms as we leech into each other. Hate for hate. Ugliness bared.
Through bleeding tears, I utter the words I’ve always wanted someone to say to me—even if I didn’tneedthem to figure myself out. To be happy with who I am.
“Even if it’s with a man, withme,it doesn’t change who you are. Because you’ve alwaysbeen this.” I grab his hand to drag my mouth over his knuckles. “You just didn’t think you could.” And then, I place his palm against my covered dick with a small smile. His fingers flex, curl. I swallow.
“Whoeverthey are… they don’t control you, Peris.Youhold all the power now. Take it back with me. Take it outon me.” I rock back slowly, back arching at the stretch against my rim. Panting, I grab his hand on me and make him jerk my dick once, root to tip through stretched cotton. A kiss in the air. “‘Cause I know your pain—it’s the same as mine. And you need to know that even with your dick in my ass, you’re still worthy of the love you don’t think you deserve.”
