Page 41 of Make Me Scream
And I let him. I wanted him to—and I still do.
Fucking hell.
A chuckle erupts from between my lips, dark and humorless. More bubble up, growing louder and more boisterous until I’m laughing loudly and chaotically, tears pooling and streaming down my face, marking my shame to burn with me.
I’m obsessed with Abel, and he doesn’t give two fucks about me.
The thought only makes me laugh harder, and I clutch my middle, trying to stifle the sharp pains bursting from my ribs.
“Peris, what has gotten into you?” Mom asks, startling me.
I look up from my bent over position, barely able to see Mom through my blurry vision. “It’s all just too funny, Ma,” I tell her, choking up. My nose burns as more tears spring forth. “It’s pathetic.” Mom strides over quickly and pulls me into her arms, wrapping them around me and holding tight. For being much smaller than me, she holds her own, and I’ve never felt more secure than I do when she’s hugging me.
“What’s going on, buddy? You can talk to me,” she says softly,knowingly.Goosebumps break out across my skin, and I feel myself shaking my head instinctively.
“Nothing. I’m just so tired of it all. The changes and these random people… you know how I am with change…” I say.
She nods. “I know, baby. I can’t imagine how hard this must be for you—all of this back and forth, especially inside the house—but we’ll get it all straightened out. I promise it’ll be okay.” Mom curls her fingers into my hair and gently rubs my scalp. I could genuinely cry—but I won’t.
I nod, smiling weakly. “I’m worried about him,” I mumble into her shoulder.
“I know, sweetheart. Me, too,” she says, then softer, “Me, too.”
“How is he?” I ask as I pull away, sniffling softly.
“He’s getting changed, like he said. He’s putting on a good front, but I think he’s struggling. I can’t imagine what he’s going through. And to be an adult but not have any legal control yet…”
“So you believe him—about being eighteen?” I ask, leaning back against the counter and crossing my arms.
“Of course, I do.”
I sigh. “Me, too.”
“That’s partly what makes this so difficult. Knowing but not being able to do anything about it. Plus, with whosheis…”
“Yeah,” I mutter, feeling the hatred simmering in my veins all over again. Ma must share the sentiment because we share a similar look before she glances away and grabs the bag of potatoes.
“Anyway. I’m going to get started on these so we can get thisamazingdinner going. I’m determined for it to be great,” she says, like she’s giving herself a pep-talk. I almost laugh, but that would get me smacked, and I’d rather not.
“What do you want from me?” I ask, needing something to do.
“I’m gonna cook to clear my head, so I guess go do whatever it is you need to do to do the same, okay?”
“Okay, Ma.” I smile at her, but before I walk away, I knock twice on the wall.
“Yeah?” she says.
“I love you, you know.”
Tears swim in her eyes, and that alone makes me realize I don’t tell her nearly enough. “I love you, too, Peris. So much. Come here.” She wraps me in her arms and squeezes. It’s not enough to take my breath away, but it does anyway.
“You’re my best friend, Ma. I hope you know that.” I mouth the words into the crown of her head. “I couldn’t have survived without you. Thank you.”
“You’re making me cry!” she wails, clinging to me with brute strength I didn’t know she was capable of.
“Oof!” I huff as she nearly knocks me over. “Damn, woman!”
“All right, go, go!” She sniffles loudly. “Before I start crying all over again.” She pushes me back with a smile. “Love you, honey.”
