Page 62 of Make Me Scream
“Can I ask you a question, Peris?” she says after a long time.
“Hmm?” I mutter against her shoulder.
“Are you gay? Is that… is that okay for me to ask?” She sounds hesitant—with good reason because even though it’s a genuine and honest question, I still feel every muscle in my body tense up.
“I don’t know how to answer that,” I tell her honestly, hating the shame eating me alive. I start to pull away.
“Is it because of him?” Her question rocks me to my core.
I pull in a shaky breath. “Yeah.”
“I hate him,” she says bluntly.
“Me, too, Ma. Me fucking too.” I stand on trembling legs, more than ready to end the conversation but knowing it’s nowhere near its demise.
“It’s not going to be like this forever, Peris.”
“Mom, even his death isn’t enough to eradicate his stain on me.”
“You’re not stained, Peris,” she tries to argue, but I laugh. I try not to, but it comes spilling out of me. My back is to my mother, so I don’t have to look her in the face.
“He made me this way—that much is obvious, whether that makes me… gay or whatever… I don’t want to think about it, and I sure as hell don’t want to talk about it. Yeah, I kissed Abel. I’ve done it multiple times. Again, I don’t want to talk about it, and that’s all you really need to know. He’s not my foster brother anymore, so it doesn’t matter. I can do whatever I want with him. Now, can we please be done with this conversation?”
“Peris…”
“Please,” I beg, hands fisted at my sides. My chest is heaving, and I feel a fresh assault of tears I need to be alone for this time.
“Fine, yes. But I love you, okay?” She steps up behind me and wraps her arms around my shoulders. I know she’s on her tippy toes to reach, but she hugs me as tight as she can. “I love you so much. Nothing will ever change that.”
“I love you too, Ma.” And with that, I pull away and rush down the hall and into my room, slamming the door shut with a resounding bang, my heart and breath racing to an invisible finish line.
“Hey.”It makes my chest ache to see his face. He looks so fucking pathetic.
He squints his eyes at me, probably trying to make out my face in the darkness of my room, but I’m not turning on my light because I don’t want him to see my bloodshot, swollen eyes.
“I’m surprised you still have your phone,” he says lightly, and I chuckle.
“Yeah, me too, I guess.” I grip the back of my neck and squeeze, hating the reminder of the conversation with Ma.
“Is it bad timing to ask for phone sex?” Abel gushes out of nowhere, and I splutter.
I shoot up in bed, hacking and smacking my chest as I choke on my spit. “Jesus fucking Christ, runt.”
“What?” he asks, blinking owlishly through the frame, but his face is blooming with heat, his usually pale pallor now a beautiful pink color.
“You’re going to be the death of me,” I tell him honestly, even as my groin tightens. The longer I stare at him, the deeper the color staining his face gets, and it’slovely.
He clears his throat. “That’s pretty grim, even for you.”
“Thought you liked that shit, runt? The dark and dirty, the nitty and gritty?”
“Oh, most definitely.” He smirks, and the flash of his little dimples makes my stomach flip.
This is exactly what I needed—Abel beingAbelin all his fucked-up-ness. A good distraction.
Maybe we do need phone sex…
“So, you mentioned phone sex?” I drawl, raising a brow.
