Page 27 of Beautifully Shattered
He didn’t like hearing about what Ian did to me, and well… I didn’t like living through it.
Just another memory I have to try to suppress I suppose.
JD has a bruise blooming under his left eye from one of the few hits Ringo managed to land. I’d been worried they were about to have a full punch-on, but JD simply tried to wrangle his best mate, and with Murf’s help, they dragged him off somewhere to cool down.
I haven’t seen him since… until now.
Maybe… maybe the thought of how many men have fucked me is too much for him.
Maybe I’m nothing but damaged goods, and now he’s trying to figure out how to cut his losses.
Maybe he’s finally realising I’m not worth all the shit I’ve brought down on him and his club.
He’d be right.
“You gonna go out and join them?”
Jols’ voice startles me, and I spin to see her taking the last step down from the staircase.
I shake my head.
“Don’t worry about Brody and Vender. You’ve seen both of them naked before at the Western,” she points out with a shrug, and I turn back to peer out at Ringo.
As if he can feel me watching, his eyes flick up to lock with mine, and I wait for some kind of emotion to show on his face.
There’s nothing… Just a blank, unreadable stare.
“I think I’m gonna go lie down,” I mumble, turning away from the dark gaze I wish could still love me despite everything. Despite how tainted I am.
As Ipass Jols, her hand snaps out, gripping my arm and stopping me in my tracks.
“I’m not gonna pretend I know what you’re going through,” she states, levelling her blue eyes with mine. “But remember back at the Western? When you realised there was something Icouldunderstand? That I’d been through something similar, too? That we bonded over it?”
Slowly, I nod, the burn at the back of my eyes threatening to give me away.
“Yeah. So?”
“Well, I might not understand what you’re going through right now,” she releases my arm, turning to face me fully, “but there’s someone who does. Maybe not exactly, because everyone’s experience is their own, but he’s standing right outside.”
Her gaze flicks to the window and mine follows, landing on him.
Ringo.
“Ringo’s been patient with you. He’s taken care of you. He’s fought for you. He knows what it’s like to lose a child. He had to bury his little girl. Had to witness the vulgar way she was brought into this world. He never got to hold her while she was still alive.” She sighs, her eyes falling distant, like she’s remembering a time a few years before I even met him.
“I’m not saying his situation is more tragic.” Her eyes shift back to mine as I try to swallow the thick lump forming in my throat. “But I am saying that he knows. He understands. And he loves you. Ringo would do anything for you. But he can’t if you keep pushing him away.”
“I’m not pushing him away,” I snap, frowning, but then, a twist of dread coils in my stomach. “Am I?”
“You are,” she says without hesitation. “You’re drowning in your anger. And yeah, it’s fucking valid. Without a doubt. But just don’t forget that you’ve got people who care about you. People wholoveyou and want to help.” Jols rakes her fingers through her sleek, dark hair, another sigh escaping her like it’s been trapped in her chest for too long.
“Life is fucking hard on a good day, Abbey. And what happened to you… well, there aren’t words big enough for how incredibly unfair and tragic it is. For the way your parents have treated you. For what those men did to you. And now, losing Bobbi too? That’s a different kind of hell.” Jols pauses, her eyes softening, and it’s not until now that I feel tears trickling down my cheeks.
“But life can still be good. Just look at Ringo. He somehow managed to keep going after Hope died. He found a purpose. Something to live for, and he held on with both hands, even when he thought he wasn’t strong enough anymore. And then… one day, out of the blue, he kidnapped a blonde girl covered in blood.” Her lips twitch into a ghost of a smile. “And he fell in love with her.”
My throat thickens as fresh tears well in my eyes, my heart hurting for a different reason. A reason that isn’t all about Bobbi.
“So maybe you could take some time to focus on what youstillhave.” She nods her head towards the window, and my gaze follows, landing on Ringo again. “You’ve lost something massive, Abbey. A piece of your heart that will never heal, but you still have something worth living for.”
