Page 59 of Ruinous Need
I’d tried to perform, the day after the Pakhan showed up at my house, and had a panic attack on stage.
I still remember it vividly, the confused ripple that ran through the crowd when I fell to my knees and stopped moving, on all fours as I gasped but the air never seemed to reach my lungs. I thought my heart was going to stop beating.
Kyle carried me off-stage. Another dancer got into costume and replaced me.
To this day, the rest of the company believe that I couldn’t handle the pressure of dancing.
“It didn’t work,” Viktor says softly.
“No, it didn’t.”
My mouth twists down with regret as I remember my wild hope that I could put Semyon off. My father had managed to convince him to wait until I was twenty-one. The first year of the engagement, I really believed he might give up. That I might have enough power in the situation to force his attention away.
“Nothing did. I dyed my hair, pierced my nose, gained weight, got a tattoo. Still, he was determined to have me. My father delayed the arrangement for as long as possible. But I guess the Pakhan is sick of waiting.”
“He is.”
“And you still want to do his dirty work for him?”
Viktor freezes, looking into the distance before a long time before he finally speaks. “That’s my job.”
My hands curl into fists. I huff a laugh through my nose. “You know what’s ironic?”
He raises his dark eyebrows at me, but he won’t meet my eyes.
“The Rite of Spring is about a young woman being chosen to dance herself to death in front of a group of men. She has no choice in it, she’s just selected as the sacrifice, her life ruined, because they want to appease some Russian god who doesn’t exist.”
CHAPTER 23
VIKTOR
I SLEEP WITH my arms around Lisette. I’m getting used to the quiet reassurance of having her wrapped in my arms at night. This is going to make it hurt even more when I have to let her go to him.
Selfish bastard I may be, but I won’t risk her entire family just to keep her.
A quiet knock at the door pulls me out of my thoughts. I slip my arms from around her reluctantly.
“Sir. You know I wouldn’t come in unless it was urgent.” Markov’s face is in shadow.
“What is it?”
It’s not like I can sleep, anyway. Not while I think about her meeting with Semyon.
I should have found out what he told her. Instead, I was so blinded by my own rage — my own fear — that I took it out on Lisette.
It won’t matter in a week, I think bitterly.
I may as well deal with business instead of going in circles in my head.
“Merc and Ben are outside. They say they need to speak withyou urgently.”
I haven’t spoken to them in weeks. Not since I blew up at them for touching Lisette.
I’m so out of control when it comes to her.
I drag a hand through my hair and pull out a chair. It makes a loud screech against the wooden flooring.
I need to think straight if I’m going to sort out this mess.
