Page 67 of Ruinous Need
Viktor pauses, looking at me with surprise. “Is it worth it? To keep you? Of course it is. You are the only reason I’m doing this.”
I can’t stop staring at Viktor. He’s really going to take on a job he never wanted, at great personal cost, all to keep me.
“You’re sure?”
He pulls me onto his lap and rocks me back and forth. “Never been more sure of anything.” His lips brush the top of my head as he speaks.
I bite my lip. This is so much more than anyone’s ever done for me, and I have no idea how to respond. Or whether I can even trust what Viktor’s saying.
As his charcoal eyes melt into a sparkling river that sends heat to my stomach, it feels like he means it.
I don’t make a sound as the pain rips through me. There’s no point. I don’t want to interrupt whatever important, secret discussion he’s having that doesn’t involve me.
I know I’m being unreasonable, and bitter, but sometimes, when all that fills my head is pain, I can’t think around it.
I lie curled up on the mattress as the pain rips through my body. Turning me inside out until I’m a sweaty, sobbing mess.
Viktor probably didn’t bring the painkillers with him.
He probably doesn’t even care, I think, but just as the thought makes its way into my brain, he’s at my side.
His hands are tender and reassuring, the way they always are when I’m hurting.
He carries me to the bathroom, filled with the scent of the essential oils and steam. He pushes the bottle of pills into my hand.
“I forgot to bring them, Lisette.” He kisses my hair. “I’m so sorry it took a while to find a supplier.”
Then he strips his own clothes off and joins me in the bath, positioning me on his lap.
The firewood and salt scent of him calms me. I inhale against his chest and he places a steady palm on my cheek.
We just stay there, breathing together, until the pills start to make me sleepy and the bathwater turns tepid. He wraps me in a towel and dries me off, bringing me to his bed, made-up with fresh sheets.
And he doesn’t leave my side for the rest of the night.
I wake up curled on my side, his arm gently slung over me. He’s awake, staring down at me as I look up at him with roaming, pain-filled eyes.
The room is fading away as the pain moves inside me, spreading. Deep and intense and immobilizing.
I try to stay grounded, to remember where I am, to content myself with the fact that Viktor is here, now. Even if I don’t know what’s going through his head or what he’s been plotting.
I try to take deep breaths, but the air stops in my throat until I’m sobbing in frustration. My body is betraying me. Unable to even function because of this chronic condition that rears up, right when I need to be present and functioning and able to move my limbs.
“Show me.” Viktor places his hand in mine. I will myself to focus on his face, his dark eyes, his intricate tattoos, the solidity of his presence.
“What?”
“Show me how much it hurts.”
I look away. “There’s no point us both hurting.”
“Lisette.” He growls. “You’re mine. That means I want every part of you. The suffering, the pain, I want all of it. Let it out.”
He wraps my hand over his. I squeeze it weakly.
“There’s more. I can see it in your eyes.”
I shake my head. “I don’t want to hurt you, Viktor,” I whisper.
