Page 87 of High Seduction
***
He kept the rest of the evening low-key. A shower, a short soak in the hot tub with storytelling on Matt’s side of some harebrained adventure he’d taken part in down in South America the previous year.
Tim observed them carefully—both Erin and Matt. He wouldn’t allow anything to hurt Erin, but his friend was special as well. The man had come racing back from death’s door eager to live to the fullest, and that meant in this situation being involved in something Tim was very responsible for.
It was a fine line to walk, but he was good at it—caring for others. Making sure they had what they needed. He’d worked damn hard to come to this point after Erin had vanished so long ago.
He tucked Erin into bed, curling around her like a protective blanket as she faded rapidly into sleep.
It took a lot longer for him to find rest. Wondering if he’d finally found his redemption after so many years.
When he woke, it was to a room slowly filling with light as dawn broke. Across from him on the next pillow a silent woman stared intently, her dark eyes glittering as she examined him.
“You’re looking awfully thoughtful.” He reached under the blankets and pulled her against him, partly draping her over his body.
“I woke a while ago. I’ve been thinking.” Erin stroked his chest, trailing a finger over his skin in intricate designs. “You remember that private party we went to shortly before I left?”
His stomach fell out the bottom. It was the one event he couldn’t forget no matter how much he’d tried. “When I made an ass of myself?”
“That wasn’t what I wanted to talk about.” She paused. “I wasn’t sure what I’d expected that night. I mean, we’d been playing around with all kinds of things, and the thought of the place excited me.”
“Me, too. Only I was too young to see what could go wrong. I’m sorry.” Tim held her cautiously. “We talked about this when it happened. Or I thought we had.”
She nodded. “We talked about the fact that you made a mistake, and I was pissed at you for seeming to choose impressing the guys over sticking with what we’d decided beforehand. We were young, and uncertain, and trying our damnedest to pretend we knew everything there was to know. You made an assumption, I did the same—our two mistakes added up to something that was wrong, and we both knew it. And you did apologize.” Erin stared off into space. “It’s... not that. I forgave you for that, because it wasn’t just your fault. I could have stopped the situation at any time myself, and I chose not to. So I was upset with you, but I was madder still at myself.”
Tim stroked her cheek carefully. “We were a couple of dumb kids in some ways. I’d like to think that we’re beyond stupid mistakes that can be solved by talking them through like adults.”
“It wasn’t something I could talk about because for a few days I didn’t know what was bothering me. And the discomfort grew and grew, and when it did make sense, there was no way to explain it to you.”
“So you left.”
She nodded.
He’d spent years wondering what he could have done differently. “I always wished I could take back that night. Turn the world to before I’d chosen to act so mindlessly.” He ran his fingers through her hair, holding his breath that she was going to finally come out with the truth. “Not to mention when I did try to track you down you were rather... derogatory toward me.”
“It wasn’t one of our finer moments on either of our parts—you got very vindictive at that point as well.”
Tim had to agree with that. “I was a jerk, and I can’t even say it was all in self-defense. I wanted to hurt you like you’d hurt me. It made it easier to simply try to pretend I wasn’t longing to be with you. Even though deep down, I always hoped that there would be a way to someday get us back together.”
Erin levered herself to a sitting position. “It wasn’t you I was running from, it was me. Even Erin the Scary Bitch afterward, when you tried to reconnect? That was me keeping away from you. Driving you off.”
“That makes no sense.”
She looked sad and scared all at the same time. “The night we got our signals crossed there were a lot of people there. Some curious like us, some full time into the lifestyle. You remember any of that?”
“Vaguely.” Most of his memories were caught up in being worried sick about her, and embarrassed to death that he’d fucked up so badly.
“I watched them when we came in, and in some ways what those couples had was intriguing. They were so into each other, it was as if we didn’t exist. The world was all about them and what pleased them. They didn’t care if they were naked in front of a crowd, or giving a blowjob, or being flogged.”
Tim waited, hoping that she’d be able to explain. To take him to the next stage of understanding without his soul burning in hell even hotter if it had been something he’d done that had torn them in two.
She lifted her eyes to meet his. “I saw them and I was amazed. Wondered if that was something that we’d ever have. If we were going in that direction.”
“You as a full-time sub?” There was no hiding his shock.
“You hadn’t asked that of me.” Erin hurried onward. “It wasn’t you, but when things fell apart that night and I didn’t tell you to stop, it was like this giant cog slipped out of line and everything fell apart.”
“We talked about what went wrong,” Tim insisted. “You and I dealt with it.”
