Page 71 of The Cowgirl's Secret Love
He snorted. “I do a mean tango.”
“Especially now.” She glanced at his cast.
Finn leaned back, staring toward the sun as it dipped behind the rise, disappearing from sight. “I went to a therapist for a bit. We came up with some questions I run through when I hit the issues that set me off.”
“Go on.”
“Might sound basic, but it helps. I askwhat’s my endgame? Usually that offers some different paths to head down instead of just blowing up.”
Karen thought about it. “When I get asked to go over for dinner with my dad, my end goal is to be a good daughter, so I should suck it up and go.”
He shook his head. “Fuck that. Youarea good daughter. The endgame is for you to be happy and healthy, which means sometimes you’ll say no to dinner because you don’t have the energy to deal with him right then. Sometimes that means you might tell your sister you’ll come over but you’re leaving right when the meal is done. Or that you want to sit with your nieces.”
“But I should—”
“Be miserable?” Finn shook his head. “Ma chérie, it’s not your job to teach him how to be a good father.”
The words hit with the weight of an anvil.
Finn carried on softly. “You say he’s trying to do things differently, but he’s had so many years of being another way—he’ll fuck up at times and instinctively fall back into bad habits. You don’t need to volunteer to be in range while he practices not being an asshole.”
The tears that had been hovering were no longer willing to wait, and the floodgates opened. Because it was true. Every word scalded her soul and wrung her hard.
Curses drifted from him, then the sound of his stern voice broke through her misery as she wept, face in her hands.
“I can’t do this,” Finn growled with a rasp. “I can’t fucking watch you cry without holding you. And I can’t get up and scoop you into my arms, sochérie, you gotta come here. Come sit with me and let me hold you. We’ll get through this. We’ll find a way.”
A million and one excuses why it was a terrible idea shot to the surface, all of them knocked away with a firm memory of how gentle he’d been with her when she’d been the injured one. Karen rose from her chair, crossed the short distance between them, and eyed him with concern.
He caught hold of her, dragging her into his lap. Her hips settled on his good leg, and her body twisted toward him until she was cradled in his arms.
In his arms, her world adjusted. The darkness was still around her, but there was a protective layer as well.
Finn Marlette, lighting a candle in her heart that sent out thin tendrils of hope into the aching night.
16
What Finn wanted most was to be her hero. An impossible task considering his injured leg and the utter inability to change the past.
Regret struck at having fucked up five years ago and not coming back sooner to change her world.
Yet he knew those choices were not only in the past, they were impossible as well. He was the man he was today because of the past five years. And dear God, he hoped what he’d learned was enough to make their tomorrows what she deserved.
She was still crying, but softer now, hands clutching his shoulders, face buried against his neck. The sound of a broken heart.
He nuzzled his lips against her temple. “Cry all you want,ma chérie. Get it out so when you’re ready, we can look to the future.”
Finn stroked her hair over her shoulders and down her back. Soft, sweet petting until she relaxed. Tension slowly drained away and left her pliable in his arms.
She tilted her head until their gazes met. “I’m not like this. I’m strong, and I get shit done and move forward.”
Her voice was a whisper, sorrow and dust.
“Crying is strong,” he insisted. “It’s your body saying enough pretending you aren’t hurt. Admitting you’re not Teflon takes a lot of strength.”
Sadness lived deep in her eyes. “I don’t want to feel like this.”
“No one wants to feel as if they’ll never measure up. And I get that you had that told to you an awful lot. Either in words or deeds.” He stroked his fingers under her chin. “It wasn’t true. It’s time you stop tellingyourselfthat you’re not enough. That’s a good place to begin.”
