Page 86 of A Rancher's Love
So what’s myahareason for writing today?
I like dating Tucker. He’s sinfully sexy, and any time we can get physical, it’s hot and yet special. But being with him has become about more than sex.
I catch him looking at me sometimes, and I just want to ask him what I can do to make him happy. I hate that his parents weren’t there for him when he was little. I might hate that my parents died when they did, but I got to have them for some very important years. His parents aren’t dead, but for how much impact they had on his world, they may as well be.
I am a tangle of emotions.
Maybe that’s my aha moment today, because I’m very happy about many things, and still so confused about what the next step is.
How did you decide, Mom? How did you know when it was time to change direction in how you guided us? To let us fly or to guide us back to the nest a little longer?
How did you know you were making the right choice?
She stared at the page a little longer, suddenly aware that the fire in her stove was dying. That she still had breakfast dishes in the sink, and that in spite of everything that was going well in her world, she was on the edge of tears.
What the hell?
Ginny gave herself a firm scolding. “Damn, you’re mopey. You need to get some energy tea brewing and snap out of it.”
Only one cup of tea later, when she was still feeling cranky, Ginny wrapped herself up and headed to the barn, climbing into the hayloft and dropping herself into the OperationProve Itheadquarters.
Sunlight beamed in through the old window, turning the bales golden brown and lighting up the small space like a cathedral.
She laid back on the pokey surface, not even caring that she’d forgotten to bring a protective layer. She just stared at the rafters overhead and slowed her breathing as she listened to the distant sound of voices and animals. The rattle of feed pails, doors opening and closing, the occasional neigh or burst of laughter.
Familiar. Peaceful.
A soft creak on the floorboards brought her to a half-seated position as Tucker slid into the space and settled beside her. He rested his hands on the bales then sat quietly.
Ginny slipped her fingers over his. “Hey.”
“Hey. Everything okay?”
She shrugged. “I feel unsettled.”
He made a soft noise then picked her up, cradling her in his lap as he braced his feet on the center bale and leaned back. “Makes sense.”
“Really?”
“Goddess.” He pressed a kiss to the top of her head. “You forget what day it is?”
Ginny considered. “Wednesday?”
Tucker rocked her softly as if they were in some sort of giant easy chair. “It’s February tenth.”
Oh. “It’s the anniversary day.”
The anniversary of the accident. The day when everything had changed.
They sat in silence for a little longer, Ginny’s throat closing up in a most unwelcome way. “How come it still hurts so much?”
“Because you love them as much as you ever did, and you wish they were here,” he said quietly.
She couldn’t stop the tears. She wanted to, because this wasn’t her. Like she’d told Tamara before, shewasn’tweepy, she was strong. She could get things done, she could help others. She could make a difference.
But the one thing she couldn’t do was bring her parents back.
“I miss them so much,” she confessed, the words coming out broken and high-pitched.
