Page 124 of Vicious Behaviors
I don’t have time to add anything to that remark since I hear Marcello call out my name agitatedly. “Where’s Izzie? Where is my Izzie?Bella?Bella?Where are you?”
“I’m here. I’m right here,” I say, quickly walking over to him so he can see my face.
“There she is,” he mutters, relaxing the second I’m in his sight. “Isn’t she beautiful, big brother?” Marcello coos, his eyes hooded from too much champagne and whiskey shots.
“That she is, little brother,” Jude praises. “You did good.”
“I did, didn’t I?” Marcello flashes Jude a boyish smile. “Are you proud of me, big brother? At least I did something right, huh?”
“What are you on about? I’m always proud of you.”
“Don’t say that. If you knew who I had to become, you wouldn’t say that,” Marcello retorts, his previously playful drunken mood turning sour.
“What—”
“Mina, do you mind going into the kitchen and fetching a bottle of water for Marcello?” I interrupt before my boyfriend says something he can’t take back. “Here, let me help you lay him down,” I add over to Jude.
I’ve been with Marcello long enough to know he keeps his darker side hidden from everyone he cares about, including Jude. Letting it slip out now in a drunken blur isn’t exactly the healthiest way to go about it.
We both help Marcello to the bed, his head lying on my lap, staring into my eyes, with nothing but worship.
“God, I fucking love you. Do you even know how much you’ve consumed me these past months?”
My eyes widen at the confession, my mouth drying up instantly. Thankfully, I’m saved from having to respond when Mina arrives with the bottled water.
“Here. Drink this. You need to stay hydrated,” I explain, lifting his head just so. Marcello takes a few baby sips before resting his head on my lap.
“I’m sorry I was such an asshole earlier,” he says, focusing all his attention on his brother this time.
“It’s okay.”
“No, it is not,” Mina takes a stand defending her husband, as it looks like he won’t do it on his own. “You were a righteous prick. Though you won’t remember me calling you that in the morning, I’m more than happy to remind you. That is, if the mother of all hangovers will even allow you to get out of bed tomorrow.”
“Oh, oh. Mina’s angry,” Marcello chuckles, hiding his face in my chest.
“Talk to your brother, husband. How am I supposed to tell him off when tonight is the first time I’ve ever seen him act like a normal human being?”
Jude is about to say something when Marcello’s laughter turns into something menacing.
“Normal? Normal? What does that even mean? I don’t know what it is.” He turns to me and asks, “Do you know?” He then directs the question to his brother, “Do you, Jude? Because I don’t. I haven’t felt normal in years. Years!” he starts to shout. “And it was all because of you! Why did you force me to make that promise? Why, Jude? Why?” He starts to cry. “I wasn’t like you. I wasn’t brave or strong. I was weak. I was a scared little kid. How could I protect them? I couldn’t. I couldn’t. And nowhe’shere instead of me. There’s nothing left of me.”
I try to hold onto him, but he somehow manages to break free from my grip, hurling at his brother. “You were the one supposed to keep us safe. You were the one who was supposed to wear this thorn crown on my head. Not me. Never me. I’m not strong enough. I’m not good enough. I’m not… you.”
Instead of the two coming to blows, Jude grabs Marcello by the nape and presses his forehead on Marcello’s. “This is the alcohol talking, little brother. You are strong. You are one of the bravest men I know.”
“No, I’m not,” Marcello shakes his head, tears streaming down his cheeks. “If I’m as strong as you say, why can’t I beathim?If I’m so brave, then why am I always so scared that he might take away the people I love? What if he takes my Izzie, Jude? I won’t survive it. I won’t.”
“Who are you talking about?” Jude asks in utter anguish, “Who ishe?”
“He’s me… and I’m him. We’re the same now. Nothing of me is mine anymore. It’s all his. All of it.”
“You’re not making any sense, Marcello. Please help me understand. Tell me what…whois hurting you?”
Marcello just shakes his head, his tears still flowing. “You walked away and built your happily ever after with the woman you love, while I’m too broken to even give mine the slightest hope of happiness.”
Hot tears sting my eyes as I watch Jude’s heart shatter into shards of glass at Marcello’s words. Not knowing how to respond, he wraps his arms around Marcello, holding him so tight as if his embrace could ward off all that torments his brother. Mina cries silently in the corner of the room, while my heart feels like it will never heal after tonight.
The man I love is so twisted up in knots inside that it’s a wonder he can even get out of bed in the morning. He’s been living with this anguish for years, all alone with no one to confide in. No one to hold his hand through it. And my presence in his life has only increased his misery and his lack of self-worth.
