Page 114 of Losing My Siren Luna
“If we were lovers, she has hundreds of other lovers to claim too. I’m just the one with the highest title. My only love since the day of my marriage is my wife and no one will come between that.”
Leona looked genuinely hurt over my statement, but I didn’t care. I was too distracted by the desire to run back to the packhouse and check on my mate.
Just then, Cherum and a few others in the Luna’s guard came barrelling down to the docks, Cherum looking flustered as he scanned the area for his Luna.
“Cedric took her back first,” I told him as he approached me.
“I felt,” he looks around accusingly at all the unfamiliar faces of the visiting warriors, then glares at Leona. “I felt her need for me. Is she alright?”
I remained quiet, pressing my lips together, not able to give him a real answer. She was put to sleep by Cedric’s magic. That’s how not alright she was. Saying it out loud will do no good to my control and my image in front of these men.
Cherum could tell by the look on my face that he wouldn’t like my answer. His nostrils flare as he looks around at the men visiting again, “Who did it? Who upset my Luna?”
“Go check on her,” I told him, moving my horse to block him from actually attacking someone. “I have to deal with this mess. Please, just go be with her for now.” I urged him with my eyes. Acting rashly in this situation is not in the best interest of my pack. I need to figure this all out, and until I do, I don’t want Lira to be stressed or anxious. I want her to have all the comfort from those around her who love her, even if she doesn’t want that comfort from me.
Chapter 37
Elelira POV
“Lira?” Lachlan entered our room. He knocked first, but I couldn’t bring myself to move or say anything. After waking up back at the packhouse in our bed, I didn’t move at all. I just stared vacantly at the wall before me, only blinking and breathing.
I felt the bed shift beside me, Lachlan sitting next to me and gently placing his hand on my back. “Are you alright?” he asked softly.
Am I alright? No, I’m not. Not at all. Not only are those men here, many of whom were involved with…with the events before my death, but that man, Isaac, the way he stared at me….
It makes me sick to even think about it now. Even before, when he came to this pack in my first life toexamineme, he would visit my mother often. I was always hidden or sent away, but I remember my mother’s look of horror whenever she would see him strutting towards her.
I had forgotten that, since it has been so long for me since I was last living in my uncle’s pack, but before I was sent to be Alpha Lachlan’s bride, I was going to be Isaac’s. When my mother died, he tried to claim me then, and my uncle only put a stop to it because he said he wanted me pure in hope of the alliance happening.
It’s strange to me now to think about it, but my uncle seemed to know that Lachlan would need an alliance with him. He expected it.
Uncle had told Isaac if by my 18th birthday I wasn’t arranged to be married already, he could have me. I avoided Isaac like the plague back then, always hiding among the servants, but Isaac had let me know on his first visit here to Hidden Cove Pack after he discovered that my virginity was still intact, that he was willing to take what should have belonged to him in the first place. Only Mimi interrupting his examination stopped him from doing so, and Mimi was with me for the next several visits after, up until she passed away from sickness herself.
Isaac’s visits came less frequently after that, and then they stopped completely months before I left.
I had forgotten all those details, probably locking them away to avoid wallowing in my pain so I could focus on surviving. Seeing him today made all those memories come flooding back. Muttering his name made me remember all the times my mother would whisper his name in fear when she saw him coming, then quickly urging me to run and hide in the stables or kitchens until the next day.
I don’t want to see him again. I don’t want to experience the same things from my first life. I thought this life would be different. I thought everything was different. Why is this one thing the same?
“Lira?” Lachlan rubs my back again. “What can I do? I need you to tell me what’s wrong so I can fix it.”
He can’t fix it. This isn’t something that will go away. Those men haven’t done anything to me yet in this life. What can I tell him? Those men that are under the protection of the alliance you have with my uncle will rape and mutilate me in the future, and I know this because this is my second life? If I have them punished for sins they committed against me in my first life, that means, by the same reasoning, Lachlan is guilty of all the hardships he put me through back then as well.
This is all too much. It’s too much to process right now. How am I going to differentiate between this life and my last? It’s all too confusing, and the more I try to think about it, the deeper in despair I fall. I need to be numb. I need to not think, and not react at all. I need to try and stay in this vegetative state until my body is able to process everything going on.
Val whimpers in my head, wanting the comfort of her mate, but not wanting to upset me by asking for it. She feels that thin thread of sanity about to snap in my head, and knows if I were to let go of the numbness I’m clinging to like a lifeline, I would have a horrible breakdown.
We came so close to forgetting everything and letting ourselves be happy with our mate. Why did they have to come today of all days?
Lachlan lets out a frustrated groan, the bed shifting beside me again until I can no longer feel the heat from his body being near.
“I’ll send Cedric in, since he seems to be able to give you comfort when I can not.”
What? He's leaving? I don't want him to, but I can't make myself move enough to ask him to stay.
Seconds later, I hear the door open and shut, and again, I’m left alone in this room with nothing but my warring emotions and strained thoughts. Why could Lachlan not just hold me and be with me? Why could he not just let me feel his touch and help to calm my anxieties? Is he….is he upset that our plans were disturbed? Is he upset with me now that I can no longer….no longer dothatwith him?
I….I can’t. It will be nothing but pain. That’s what it is…..
