Page 34 of Losing My Siren Luna
It’s my lips that meet him now that I’m in control. I couldn’t stop the act. I was a moment too late. My entire face feels like it’s tingling and my heart is beating wildly in my chest, but I know better than to give into this sensation.
It took me by surprise the first time he pounced on me, but now I have my head about me, and can fight the bond and the power it has over me.
Pulling away, I stared down at his panting face, him looking as surprised as I felt. It takes me but a minute to realize it is no longer Killian, but Lachlan in control, and I’m lying across his body, feeling vulnerable from the state our lycans left us in.
Chapter 12
I feel disoriented for a few seconds, time standing still as reality sets in.
I told him not to kiss me again earlier today, then our Lycans went ahead and did the act for us, leaving us in a very awkward position.
“I’m sorry,” he pants, his hands still resting on the sides of my face. “I was yelling at him to stop, but he just ignored me.”
I press my lips together, still feeling his warmth and moisture on them. I can’t really blame him when Val initiated it as much as Killian did.
“That’s okay,” I mumbled, pushing my body away from his and kneeling at the end of the bed, “Val is to blame as well.”
He looks disoriented and lost, almost, as he stares at me, still lying on his back on the bed. I felt self-conscious, wondering what he was thinking.
That was the first willing kiss I had ever had. The thought is wracking my brain. It may have been Val, but my body was still a willing participant. The thought is humbling, and makes my stomach feel like a bottomless pit.
Every other touch I felt before this was forced on me, and the first time my body participated in an act of intimacy, I'm confused because I truly didn't mind kissing Killian, but I don't know how I feel kissing Lachlan, who I see as a man and not the adoring child or pet his Lycan was.
“Lira, I’m sorry,” Lachlan says, probably seeing the disturbed look on my face. He sits up, looking concerned as he watches me. “I should have gotten control and stopped him sooner. It happened so fast, though, and Valerina seemed to want it, so-”
“It’s okay,” I smiled weakly at him, “I’m just…surprised,” I mumbled out, trying to shake the disturbing images from my head.
He continues to watch me, not moving like he is scared he will frighten me away.
“I’m sorry, Ela,”Val whispered, “I didn’t mean to. I didn’t want to bring up those memories. I was just so excited to finally meet him. I won’t do it again.”
I cringe at the mention of those memories. I don’t know why the kiss triggered those images to reappear when the kiss from our wedding earlier didn’t. Maybe because I was so guarded and overcome by my hatred earlier today.
Now, I was starting to relax around Lachlan, despite trying to maintain my indifference. Not being as guarded, let those disturbing feelings and memories, that really only just happened yesterday for me, come to the forefront of my mind.
“I don’t want to feel like this, Val. I don’t want to feel weak and helpless. Not in front of him,”I managed to mutter out to her inside my head after some time.
She whimpers, not liking the memories either. She was a prisoner inside my mind when my uncle's men abused us endlessly. It was horrifying, and the fact that a consensual kiss with Lachlan, our mate, is what triggered those disturbing thoughts from returning was like a wake up call to her as well.
“I won’t take control again. I can wait, Ela, however long it takes for you to trust him. Just please, don’t blame him for my mistake. Don’t blame Killian.”
Her pleading for her mate takes the edge off my anxiety. I don’t want to hurt her, more than anything else, I don’t want to cause her pain or guilt.
“It’s not your fault,” I told Lachlan again. He looks on the verge of a panic attack himself. I tried to offer him a reassuring smile. I don’t think it has the desired effect, though, because he looks more worried now, “I’m sorry. I must just be overly tired from the day. I can’t seem to think straight.”
Lachlan watches my face, his concerned eyes traveling over every feature, making me feel more self-conscious. I was thinking ill of him for having so many partners and being a loyal customer to the women of the night, when I am no better. I may be a virgin in this rebirth, but just yesterday to me, I was going through worse things than I’m sure he had ever done.
I feel filthy all of a sudden, like I am dirty and broken once again. I hate this. I hate remembering what awaits me if I go down the same, lonely path I went through in the past. All this stemmed just from a kiss.
If he wants to do more, I don’t know how I can make it through.
Right then, the necklace that lay hidden under my nightgown around my neck started to pulse, and the comforting magic embraced me, helping to calm my racing thoughts.
“Let’s go to sleep,” Lachlan says after a while, moving off the bed and pulling the sheets and thick blanket down from the top of the bed, indicating with his extended hand that I should get under them.
I nod, grateful he’s not asking for more. He told me he wouldn’t, but after being pounced on by Killian, and then that kiss, I didn’t know what else to expect.
Val whimpers as Lachlan moves away from the bed after gently tucking the sheets and blanket around me. He’s careful not to touch us, which I am grateful for, but Val is worried he’s going to go visit those other women now.
