Page 35 of Losing My Siren Luna
To my surprise, and Val’s relief, he moves to the other side of the bed, sitting on its edge and taking his boots off methodically.
He looked deep in thought, staring down at the task, then breathing deeply before turning back to face me, where I was lying flat on my back under the covers.
“Good night, Lira,” he whispered, his voice thick with some kind of emotion.
He stays fully clothed, which surprises me. He’s still in the clothes he was wearing at our reception and they can not be comfortable.
He rolls over so his back is facing me as he pulls the covers to his waist. His back seemed tense, his neck muscles rigged and tight.
Did I make him mad with my reaction to him? I didn’t manage my behavior or emotions very well. He always hated it when I showed any kind of emotion in my first life.
Pain, anger, annoyance, fear; they were all met with his anger. He would berate me, calling me names or telling me how pathetic I was.
My indifference over time was the only thing that would keep him from yelling at me. If I went completely numb, not showing any emotions whatsoever, he would give me a look similar to the one he was giving me just now.
“Good night, Alpha,” I whispered so softly, I’m not sure he heard.
It was automatic. If I didn’t respond when he spoke to me in my past life, that angered him more than anything.
I’m suddenly so mad at myself. Furious.
One kiss. That’s all it took for me to revert back to the weak and vulnerable Elelira from before. I can’t be weak. I can’t be vulnerable. I can’t let my walls come down. I need to protect Val, but to not hurt her, I can’t hurt him. I’m lost in what to do and furious that I’m so helpless. I am doomed to always be weak and helpless.
The necklace once again started to almost vibrate against my chest, warmth and this sweet soothing feeling filled me.
I’m not helpless. I went through hell, but it made me stronger.
I have to survive. I desire nothing more than to protect Valerina and access our freedom so we can escape back to the sea…..
But now Val wants Killian more than anything.
I just don’t know if I can bring myself to want Lachlan, or any man in that way ever again.
~
Lachlan POV
Shit, shit, shit.
“You tell me not to mess this up, then you go and scare her again like that!”I screamed at my Lycan in my head, facing the wall so Lira couldn’t see the anger on my face and think I was mad at her. “We had her! Her walls were finally coming down! Did you not learn anything after the kiss earlier? We agreed not to do that shit until she trusts us!”
“I know,”he cried weakly, terrified seeing the look on Lira’s face after she moved away from us, hurrying to kneel at the end of the bed in a meek stance.
We’ve seen that look plenty of times. We lived in war and battle all of our adult lives. That appearance is all too common for those who survive something truly horrifying. That was the look of terror that grips a person when nightmares that are all too real resurface, driving a person to the brink of madness and fear retakes them.
We did that. We made whatever nightmares plague her mind resurface, all from our touch.
I thought the mate bond would be enough to override my past mistakes, but I don’t know now. I don’t want to see her hurt like that ever again.
Letting her go might be better than letting her live a life filled with reminders of the horrors she once faced.
“We never hurt her,”Killian murmurs brokenly, “I never hurt her at all, but you only hurt her emotionally. That was not trauma from emotional pain. That was physical. It was triggered by physical touch, Lachlan.”
He’s right.
Emotional trauma is different from physical trauma. The way she was rubbing her arms, shaking slightly like she was freezing cold, despite the heat from the fire making the room almost stifling, that was how victims of torture or abuse react when triggered by some physical stimulus.
If I had yelled at her or started calling her names and she reacted like that, I would think the trauma was from me, but somehow I don’t think it is.
