Page 36 of Losing My Siren Luna
Then, she apologized to me.
I hate myself that she went to a place where she felt she needed to say sorry to me.
“Valerina wanted me,”Killian whimpers, “She wanted me, just as much as I wanted her.”
“That may be the case, but Lira isn’t there yet. She didn’t want that. She told us never to kiss her again.”
“No, she toldyouthat, asshole,”Killian growls. “That was me and Valerina until you ruined it. I bet Elelira wouldn’t have even reacted like that if it was me and not you she was staring down at when she opened her eyes. Don’t blame me because you messed up in the past. Even if you didn’t physically hurt her, you still hurt her, and you are the reason she doesn’t trust you. You don’t get to blame me for that.”
I bite down on my lips so hard I break through the skin, drawing blood. He’s right. He’s one hundred percent right, and it makes me want to scream.
I know I told Cherum I was punishing him at training in the morning for touching my mate, but I might let him rough me up instead. I deserve it, and it’s his job to protect his Luna. It's my job as well, but I don't know how to protect her from myself, or the memories that plague her.
“Good night, Alpha,” Elelira breathes out. My heart can’t take it, the brokenness in her.
She has been a beacon of strength and grace all day. This is the first time I’ve seen her acting so weak and frail.
Things were going so well too.
I rolled over to face her, longing to see her glimmering emerald eyes and the vibrant glow in her cheeks. She had already rolled away from me, though, and I was met with her slim silhouette and golden hair illuminated in the fire’s light.
She’s not sleeping yet. Her breathing isn’t even enough for that.
“I’m sorry, Lira,” I whispered. “I don’t want you to be scared of me. I’m sorry I didn’t stop my Lycan sooner.”
The sweetest sigh escapes her, and she slowly rolls back on her back and turns to face me.
Her face was no longer filled with fear. It’s back to the controlled expression she has had all day, far from the smiling face she showed Killian just moments ago.
Her walls are back up. She is back on her guard.
Shit.
“I told you, it’s not your fault. Val wanted to do it too. I am not interested in those things, though. I….,” she bites her bottom lip, her face looking momentarily vulnerable before the mask of control returns as she stares up at the ceiling. “I don’t think I ever will be. I know I agreed to it if you wanted those things for the sake of keeping Mimi, but-”
“Lira,” I reach out and grab her hand, and to my amazement, she lets me, “I don’t want those things, not without your trust.”
She turns those brilliant emerald eyes to look at me, shunning me momentarily.
I want to spend the rest of my life looking into those eyes, and I hope she lets me. I hope I never again cause her to feel like she isn’t safe with me or protected by my side. I want to keep her radiant and strong, not make her weak and broken.
“Okay,” she whispers. “I’ll believe you, for now.”
For now.
Those words sting like I can’t even describe. Even Killian is wincing inside me.
With that, Lira pulls her hand from mine, rolling back to her side, away from me.
“We have a lot of work to do,”Killian whispers. I can feel his anxiety and mournful tone, like we are losing our mate once again. “I don’t want to hurt her, but I don’t want to lose her.”
“I’m not giving up yet,”I tell him, watching Lira’s body curl around a pillow as she tucks herself in to sleep.
Even her back is beautiful. Even if I never get to touch her more than just holding her hand, I’ll be happy with just the image of her back every night as I close my eyes and let the night take me, the image of her back being the last thing that is imprinted on my mind before going to sleep.
“Tomorrow is a new day. We will have to make it a good one from the start,”I reminded my Lycan,“We have to show her she can trust us. We will make our first date with our mate a memorable one and show her how much she means to us.”
Chapter 13
