Page 85 of Losing My Siren Luna
Lachlan has been…..exceptional. He has been diligently working every day as Alpha, as he was before, but he has also gone out of his way each and every day to make sure to spend time with me. He is so attentive that I find it almost smothering at times. The confusing way the bond makes me feel has been making it hard to keep my mind about me. I find myself giving into his small signs of affection and staring admiringly at him when he talks.
I don’t want to be. I don’t want to find the man that neglected and emotionally abused me in my first life attractive in any way, but the bond wants something different. Just as it did in my first life. It took almost a year of betrayal pains and then enduring Mimi’s death by myself for the bond to lessen to where I could numb myself to the effects being in close proximity to my mate brought me. Then, when he did start to show me his face, after I resolved myself to endure until I could leave, his constant cruelty made both me and Val bury any budding affection that seeing him stirred in the bond.
This Lachlan is nothing like then, though. This Lachlan is the complete opposite of the cruel man I first married. He makes fighting the bond impossible. If I could see any of the other cruel Lachlan in this one, it would make resisting the bond easier. Besides what happened at breakfast the first morning here, he has been nothing but kind.
Val isn’t helping either. I don’t want to hurt her. I’ve always tried to protect her above all else, but to keep her from feeling pain right now, I have to keep myself vulnerable to the bond. She wants her mate and to feel her connection to him. Lachlan and Killian are one entity, so each time she grows closer to Killian, I find myself being pulled closer to Lachlan.
It’s confusing and suffocating at times, my mind and my feelings not matching my heart.
Cedric must have noticed my conflicting attitude at breakfast because once Lachlan left with Beta Nilo to begin planning some event the pack is hosting soon, Cedric offered to take me swimming, saying that I looked like a fish out of water.
Percy and Yasmin came with us. They were supposed to be watching and serving me, but had drifted off to an intimate bubble of their own behind one of the boats in the dock. Being newly mated, they aren’t able to really keep their hands off one another. They had the first few days of their new relationship off from all duties, for obvious reasons, but it seems that wasn’t enough for them. They still can’t seem to get their fill of one another. Maurice is watching from the docks, so hopefully Percy won’t get in trouble later for leaving me unattended. Cherum was reluctant to leave me with Cedric to join the meeting with the other ranked commanders and told Percy and Maurice to stay vigilant while protecting me. Percy is remaining vigilant alright, or at least attentive towards his mate, but I don’t think Cherum cares much about that.
I’m fine with just Cedric anyway. Val was worried about him being too affectionate to me, but the only times he is affectionate in a concerning way is when Lachlan is around. I think he just wants to mess with Lachlan.
“Are you tired yet, princess?” Cedric asked, floating beside me.
“No,” I leaned back, letting my hair fan out in the water, soaking in the sun’s rays on my exposed skin as I floated on my back. “I could do this all day.”
Cedric chuckles, bumping my legs with his beautiful tail. “You’re a natural in the water, even if you haven’t gotten your siren magic yet.”
“The ocean is my favorite,” I told him, keeping my eyes closed and feeling the orange heat on my eyelids.
“Did you do a lot of swimming in your former pack?”
My smile falters as I cringe inwardly. No, I didn’t. No woman would dare try to swim alone without a mate or someone to protect them. I was only out of the ocean for a short time before my uncle’s men found me. Even if I wasn’t his niece, I doubt they would just have left me unscathed. I thought I would be fine with my magic, but my uncle was ready for me.
“Not often,” I told Cedric.
“How did you get to be such a great swimmer?”
“I’m just a natural, I guess,” I said, trying to sound nonchalant.
He chuckles, “It is in your genes, I guess.”
“Seems so,” I sighed, going back to a vertical position in the water.
I look to shore and see Percy and Yasmin are now making out on the sand, no longer trying to hide it. I’m happy for them, but I wish they would do that in their room. It makes me feel uncomfortable as it makes me think about the first night I was back here. Lachlan and I never got heated like they are getting, but we did kiss twice. Something I know Val is craving to do again. I’m not ready, though. Even if it is her and Killian doing it, I don’t know if I can sit back and just accept it. I will likely panic again.
I do let Lachlan brush my hair for me every night, something that feels intimate enough as it is. He also holds me as I fall asleep, which I’ve actually come to welcome. I sleep better every night when he does it. The bond is soothed enough by his touch to not pulse annoyingly inside me begging for a connection with my mate. I haven’t accepted him, but I will accept using him to get a good night’s sleep.
“Look,” Cedric pointed off towards the castle.
I looked in that direction to see Lachlan and his men walking towards the docks. I nervously glanced at the couple still making out on the sand, wishing I had the ability to mind link them to tell them they were about to get caught. I can’t until I mate with Lachlan and have him mark me. That will not be happening any time soon.
“Can you warn them?” Cedric asked, nodding to the couple.
“I wish I could. Let’s swim back and try to beat Cherum to them,” I wiggled my eyebrows at him. “I’ll race you.”
“Should I give you a head start?” He huffs. I splash him, then dive underwater, pushing my human body to swim as fast and as hard as I can. When he flies past me, I grab hold of his tail, hitching a ride until my lungs begin to burn with the need for oxygen. I don’t let go as I lift to the surface, making his muscles in his tail flex as he fights for control to break free. He turns and breaks the surface with me, both of us laughing and sputtering water.
“That’s cheating,” he groans, splashing me with his free hand when I grip his upper arm to prevent him from swimming off without me.
“No it’s not,” I laughed,” You told me to do this.”
“To cheat?!”
“No. To use you as my tool,” I grinned.
