Page 89 of Losing My Siren Luna
“What do you expect me to do? He is still the man that hurt us so greatly in our first life.”
“He’s not, Ela. This Lachlan is different. He cares for us. I want you to ask so you can see that for yourself. We got this redo so we can finally be happy. I know it.”
Do I want to be happy with the one who hurt me so greatly before? Do I want to have a redo if it means this time I don’t leave for the sea? All I ever wanted in my first life was the opportunity to tell Lachlan who I am to him and have him accept me. That was, until it was too late and our bond was already destroyed, making it so the only thing I wanted was to be free from him.
My father’s knowledge of me and sending Cedric to protect me, Lachlan’s changed behavior, and my acceptance into the pack as their Luna; maybe this life is a redo of my life so I can have a chance of happiness.
“I’ll ask.” I simply told Val, not understanding myself and my true feelings about the matter yet to promise anything more.
All I can do is ask Lachlan, then go from there. My final decisions will be based on what he says. I can’t disregard my first life completely, because the idea of going through all that and suffering for nothing would be much too depressing. I’m not ready to let go of the past completely yet. I can start making an effort for Val’s sake at least, and depending on what Lachlan has to say, it may actually help me to find my happiness too.
“Are you ready now?” Lachlan calls grumpily through the door, causing my handmaids to laugh, and me to smile at the notion that being away from him is what is causing him to be grumpy instead of the other way around.
Mimi nods to me, happy with my appearance. Gemma pinches my cheeks to add color like she usually does, then helps to steady me as I slip on my sandals.
“I’m as ready as I can be,” I murmured, mostly to myself.
Mimi opened the door to my husband and mate, making my heart flutter involuntarily at his eager and handsome face staring back at me adoringly.
Chapter 29
Lachlan POV
My nerves are getting the best of me as I lead Lira through the castle and out to the warrior’s part of the castle. I can sense something is bothering her, her face lost in thought as she stares vacantly down at the ground. Val is flashing in her eyes a lot too.
“My mate likes me. Don’t worry too much,”Killian tries to tell me.
“You’re mate may like you, but mine still wants to go back to the sea,”I reminded him. “She could be talking about leaving me right now.”
Killian huffs, “Don’t be an ass and she won’t.”
“I’ve been on my best behavior,”I growled at him. I didn’t even snap when the naked merman was swimming with her and she was all over him. I could tell they were just playing, but it didn’t stop the jealousy from raging inside of me. I kept it in, not wanting to anger my wife. I’m glad I did too. She seemed mad enough with Meldec.
“You’re right,”Killian sighs, “But it hasn’t been that long. A week isn’t enough time to recover from the past. She has to learn to trust you again. Just keep it up. Hopefully, tonight will help.”
“I hope so.”I want with Lira what Killian has managed to build with Valerina in just a week. They are smitten with one another already. It’s helped to keep Lira open to me, but I can still sense that she is reluctant to grow closer to me. She doesn't trust me.
We pass many warriors and pack members on our way out, everyone smiling and offering their greetings to both of us. Lira is always exceptionally kind, showing grace and poise in every interaction with my members. She is a fabulous Luna, and the impact she has had on the pack in just the past week has been amazing. People are always excited about seeing her, and they trust me more now. She had helped to tame Killian, who was always volatile and prone to outbursts. I don’t snap as easily at anyone either. I had very few happy days, or days I would describe as good in our first life. I was always irritated and felt on edge, ready for the next attack or the next war to break out. I was holding my breath and waiting for Wayne to double cross me using his niece, or waiting for my lands to be raided again, my people needing a fierce leader and not a weak-willed chump who couldn’t resist his tempting new wife who I thought was my enemy and not my mate.
Everything is different this time. I’m not fighting my attraction to her. I want her. There has never been a question about that. Now, I know not to fight my feelings for her. I know not to resist the urge to go to her when it comes to me throughout the day. If I want to see her, I don’t get angry at everyone around me and start to lash out, then release my tension with pointless sex at the end of the day. I find her. I will drop everything to seek her out when the need arises, and I find so much more satisfaction with just watching her eat apple slices being offered to her by another man than I ever found in anything else. No amount of meaningless sex, brawling, wine or spirits could ever compare to the pleasure I get from seeing her growing healthier by the day. I find myself grinning like a fool when I’m watching her laugh and joke with Niomi, teasing Cherum, or simply enjoying a cup of tea. Her mere presence makes my life have meaning. That is being reflected back in my pack, and the castle feels like a much happier place simply because of her existence.
I was a fool before. Such an utter fool. If I hadn't been fighting myself, everyone could have had a better life, and this redo would never have been needed. I deserve to struggle right now, scraping my head on the ground to earn her trust and forgiveness. Forgiveness I can’t even yet apologize to receive. Not because of the contract with her father.
One day. One day she will know, and then I can spend the rest of my life showing her how truly sorry I am. It’s baby steps for now.
Lira’s small hand keeps flexing in mine. Not like she is trying to pull away, but like she’s fighting some internal battle with herself.
“The sparks,”Killian reminds me, “She can feel them even if we can’t. She is resisting the effects.”
I don’t want that. I know Killian said not to manipulate her with the bond, but I can’t help myself. I lifted her hand and kissed the back of it, making her gasp and stare up at me in surprise with her big emerald eyes.
My gawd, she is beautiful. Inside and out.
She blushes, and I want so badly to run my finger across the pink-hued skin on her cheeks. Her face has filled in some over the past week, making her look healthier, and her skin glows with sunshine and vibrancy now. Her hair seems to have more light blonde streaks than before too.
“You’re so beautiful,” I couldn’t help but to tell her.
She bites her lip, then looks away shyly. “We are already married, Alpha. You don’t have to flatter me.”
