Page 91 of Losing My Siren Luna
He presses his lips together, his face stressed and anxious. “I wish you would call me by name,” he softly says, his thumb still tracing my cheek, making sparks dance on my face.
I huff, not dramatically, but just a soft expulsion of air at his hypocritical request. I have asked him not to call me Lira plenty of times and he never listened.
Surprisingly, the nickname doesn’t bother me as much as it did before. It actually makes my heart race a little when I hear him say it, especially when I don’t realize he is near. Before, the nickname brought me dread. Now, it makes tingles erupt inside me.
Funny how much can change in such a short time when you leave the bond open. It chases away the resentment and dread completely, overriding everything with longing for him. My mate.
He knows. He knows we are mates. He said he didn’t feel it, but Val was right. Killian can feel it. Not completely, not like us where it is all consuming, but he feels flickers of it, just as my Lycan said he could.
Maybe I really don’t need to worry about him forsaking or betraying me in this life. I am not ready to fully accept him, but maybe I will be eventually. Maybe it’s okay for me to finally let my guard down fully. It’s strenuous to constantly be fighting the conflicting feelings the bond brings me. He truly doesn’t seem like the man that hurt me before. The way he is staring down at me and the tender way he is touching me, I don’t see any resemblance to the man from my previous life that caused me so much pain.
Maybe he really does love me, and maybe I can learn to love him. Eventually.
“Please,”Val murmurs in my head. “I want my mate. I love you, Ela, but we need him. We need our mate. Nothing else can fill that void inside us. The constant loneliness you try to ignore, he is the only answer. I need Killian, and you need him. Don’t accept him until you are sure, but please, stay open to him for me. For me, and for yourself.”
“But the past….Am I supposed to just act like it never happened?”
“No. Never. But I think you went through all that to become stronger; to better help your pack as their Luna. Look at Yasmin.”She brings forth the image of Yasmin and Percy on the beach earlier today, focusing on the happy expression Yasmin has, her beaming smile as she stares at her mate. “If not for you and your understanding of what she went through, she wouldn’t have that now. Never forget what you went through, but use it to make you stronger, not to carry around as an excuse for your hesitation and fear.”
I bite my lip, unsure of how to respond to Lachlan or my Lycan. Do I use my trauma as an excuse? I think I do, but I think I earned that right. The right to maintain my victim's mentality, holding on to the insecurities that resulted from it inside of me.
She is right, though. Without what I had been through, I wouldn't have recognized the bruising on Yasmin for what it was. I wouldn’t have had the understanding to see what she went through through her eyes, and I probably wouldn’t have stuck up for her. I’m glad I did all that. I'm glad I was able to help her. I made a friend, my first one ever, and she gained happiness.
Maybe I can achieve my happiness one day too.
“Lachlan,” I whispered his name, my face heating when he broke out in a broad grin, his eyes dancing with happiness that I called him so familiarly, not in a condescending manner, but with tenderness mixed with nervous hesitancy. “You barely know me. How do you know you love me? It can’t be that easy. You don’t feel the bond like I do.”
He laughs softly. “Do you want me to give you my list again? If you give me some time, I can write up a list that stretches from here to the other end of the bay. You are a very lovable person, Lira. Everyone that meets you loves you.”
I bit my lip. “You met my father. You know why I can feel the bond and you can’t. Does that not bother you?”
“That you are…. not fully Lycan?” he asks, after struggling to swallow, making my anxiety rise, fearful of his answer. He knew. He already knew all this time, he just didn’t say anything. Just like he didn’t mention knowing I was his mate. I’m curious why he didn’t say anything, but also worried he didn’t say anything because he was disappointed. Meldec seemed to be struggling with Cedric. Maybe Lachlan feels the same.
“That doesn’t matter to me,” Lachlan finally said, holding my face between both of his hands. “You are still my Lira. My wife, and,” he swallows, looking nervous, “my mate.” Once the words leave his lips, he pants, like he is relieved to finally say it. I’m relieved as well. Tears are filling my eyes, threatening to spill.
“You don’t care that I’m half siren? It doesn’t bother you to have a mate and Luna who isn’t fully like you?”
He smiles gently, “No, Lira. You could be anything and it wouldn’t change the way I feel about you. I would love you regardless,” he tells me, resting his head against mine, making my heart rate quicken.
That familiar panic creeps up, making my chest feel like it’s tightening, but then the bond overwhelms the panic, calming it, making it ease into a gentle pulsing under my ribs. It’s not gone, but it's manageable, and the more contact I have with Lachlan, the more it soothes my anxieties, making me just focus on my bond with him.
This Lachlan won’t hurt me. He never touched me in my previous life. He definitely won't hurt me now. He isn't the one who ravaged my broken body. He is nothing like those monsters. I don’t need to worry now. Not when he is telling me in so many ways how much he loves me. I tell myself these things over and over again, and it helps to overcome the panic completely, leaving me breathless.
My tears spill from the corner of my eyes. My relief is so great, for so many reasons. What should I do? How do I respond to his declaration? I can’t say I love him too, because I’m not sure yet if I do. I'm just sure that I don't want to continue fighting him. I don't want to continue straining myself, denying myself something I once longed for more than anything.
Val is purring in my head, happy with the progress I have just made, and happy that it will help her to grow closer to her mate too.
“Thank you,” I whispered in a soft, broken voice. “I was scared. I thought you would reject us, and Val couldn’t take that. She didn’t want to be separated from Killian.”
“She never has to be,” he promised, wiping the tears from my cheeks. “I never want to lose you, Lira. Killian feels the same way for Val. You are ours. Thank you for giving us the opportunity to love you.”
I smile weakly. We stay like that, just being in each other’s presence, breathing the same air, feeling the same wind wrapping around us, making my hair tangle around our bodies, whipping around his neck. If he minds, he doesn’t say. He looks content, just like me. The sparks are traveling all over my body, serenity consuming my previous apprehension.
“My Lira,” he husks, and before I realize I’m doing it, I’m leaning my face up to his, accepting the pressing of his lips against mine.
Before, on the night of our wedding, all I felt was panic. Now, I feel anything but. The satisfaction I feel from his kiss makes me whimper in alleviation. I’ve never willingly kissed anyone, and the joy it brings me to be kissing my mate, knowing he accepts me, even as a siren and even without feeling the bond, is so amazing.
He wants me. My mate wants me. Hopefully, soon I can fully accept him and we can finally be mates. Hopefully, soon, the present will completely overwrite the past and I can finally be happy, never having to suffer alone again.
