Page 48 of Merritt and Her Childhood Crush
Friends, I told him the other day. And being friends is fine. I want to be Hunter’s friend.
I also want him to pick me up and pull me into his lap. I want to feel his strong arms banded around me. I want to know what kind of beard burn kissing him might give me. I want to drink in the scent of him, feel his warmth surrounding me.
“I’m sorry I didn’t tell you about Simon,” I say, which is not any kind of answer to the question he asked.
He studies me. “You don’t owe me an explanation.”
“I kind of feel like I do. At the least, I want to give you one.”
“You went through something,” he says gently. “I don’t blame you for not wanting to talk about it.”
“I appreciate that. But I don’t want to have any secrets, Hunter. At least, not from you.”
Fire sparks in his eyes, and his grip tightens around my ankle. He moves the ice pack to the counter and shifts my foot off his lap.
For a moment, I’m sad about the loss of contact, but then he scoots his barstool forward so we’re sitting closer, his knees bracketing mine.
“Okay,” he says softly, leaning forward. “How long ago did it happen?”
A valid question, but he’s close enough for me to catch a faint whiff of sandalwood—Ilovethe smell of sandalwood—and I’m not sure I can put words together to answer him.
Focus, Merritt. FOCUS.
“Um, a few months, I guess? Well. A few months since I found out about the cheating and called things off. Learning about the baby and the wedding, that was a little more recent.”
He nods. “Must have been tough.”
“Honestly? The worst was watching Simon get the promotion I wanted. I know that sounds awful. But I wasn’t heartbroken about the end of us, you know? Not really. I don’t think I ever loved him.” I lift my shoulders in a tiny shrug. “Actually, I’m not sure I’ve ever loved anyone.” I pause and swallow. “Except you.”
Hunter jumps off the barstool so fast, he nearly knocks it over. He paces to the window, one hand clasping the back of his neck, and I suddenly wish I could reel all my words right back into my mouth.
What was I thinking, admitting THAT to him?
“Hey. I’m sorry. I just meantback then.I loved you back then, and I’m sure you knew that. I didn’t mean now. Obviously, I don’t mean now. I mean, we hardly know each other now.” I’m babbling, but I’m not sure I can stop. The silence feels almost as threatening as whatever nonsense I might spill out of my mouth. “And I’m only here for a little while, so that would be weird, right? If I were to—I mean, if we were—not that I wouldn’t want—”
My words end abruptly, because am I ready to end that sentence? Not that I wouldn’t wantwhat?To date him? To try to love him again? Love this grown-up, wiser, sexier version of Hunter?
“I, um, I should let you get back to work.” I reach for my Diet Dr Pepper. “Maybe I’ll just go drink this on the beach.”
Hunter moves around the island and back to where he was working, like he’s going right back to putting in the grout. As a boy, he was terrible at talking about his feelings. But that’s the thing—I didn’t mean to start talking about feelings at all. I hover by the back door, practically choking on my disappointment. Is he seriously going to saynothing?
Apparently, that’s exactly what he’s going to do.
Ugh—you’re an idiot, Merritt.
“Okay, well. See you around?” I nudge open the door, but before I can walk through, Hunter’s voice calls me back.
“Mer, wait.”
I turn slowly, not wanting to getmoredisappointed or feelmorestupid. But is that possible?
“Thanks for telling me.” He holds my gaze for a long moment before he adds, “I loved you back then too.”
The air whooshes out of my lungs, and my hand holding the drink trembles. The past is the past—I know this—but my body is reacting like the past isright now.Like I’m hearingtodayHunter say the words totodayMerritt. Which is silly. Completely unrealistic.
And also totally something I want. Badly.
I’m only going to need a little nudge to fallbackin love with him. If I even fell out of love to begin with. Meeting his deep brown eyes from across the room, I’m not so sure I ever did.
