Page 20 of Hearts Adrift
“What’s that?”
His foot slips out from under him.
I don’t know how it happens, but I’m lightning fast as I reach for Finn. In the space of half a second, I’ve got him in my arms, catching his fall. His wide eyes are on me as I hold him in place, our faces inches apart. My heart drums so loudly, I can’t even hear the waves anymore.
He finds his footing but doesn’t let go of me nor look away from my eyes.
“You can stay lost at sea as long as you need to,” I tell him, “but … you don’t have to be lost alone.”
Both of us, suspended in the dark, crashing symphony of ocean waves around us, neither of us saying a thing.
Is his heart beating as loudly as mine?
He lets go of my arms so fast, I worry he’ll fall again. “I need to go,” he says, turns and starts heading off, stops, then adds, “Be careful. Lots of slippery stones out here.”
Then I watch him go the rest of the way. I find myself wondering if there’s some hidden meaning in that last thing he said.So many slippery stones, indeed.
Chapter 6 - Finn
I’m not going back to the bungalow.
Not casually dropping in to see how River’s doing.
Not falling into that emotional trap.
It’s the next morning. I’m doing my hair for the day. I have a long list of to-dos all around the island. I wouldn’t even have time to invest in him, right?
At least I got to see a different side of him. Other than half-naked in a towel with all the unabashed confidence of a movie star. I saw River let down his walls. Share himself with me. Respect my space.
And say stunning things like I owed him no thanks.
Like he shouldn’t have come on to me.
Just before taking me on an adventure down a rocky shore my feet haven’t known since I was a kid.
A shore that’s been outside my window my whole life.
I’m driving across the island on my errands, and I can’t help considering if I’m being too cold. It wouldn’t hurt to drop by this evening and just check on him again, would it? Despite all the instructions to be left alone, he sure didn’t seem to mind my dropping in last night.
No. Not going to do it. Gotta keep things professional. I’m not his friend.
But I could be.
He said he has none. That he’s difficult. Lonely.
Can’t I relate to that? Aren’t I also difficult sometimes? Andlonely?
I even felt lonely while I was with Theo. The two of us in bed, on our phones, ignoring each other until one of us springs a boner. Even then, we would sometimes take care of our needs on our own, like it was a task to do, like it was just laundry. We didn’t have sex nearly as often as anyone assumed. Weeks would go by where I was barely touched. I’d grow so maddeningly frustrated.
Maybe River is frustrated.
Before I know it, I’m driving past the bungalow on my way home, coming to a stop at the intersection near it.
“Nope,” I say out loud, driving on. “Not doing it.”
I go to bed that night with a pesky boner I keep trying to ignore. But every time I turn over in my sheets, it comes back to life like a panting puppy desperate to be petted and played with. Eventually I slip out of bed in just my briefs, pad out of the bedroom and down the hall, then stand at the window of the game room to glare at the distant bungalow.
I can see light spilling out of the back windows. Is he still awake like I am at two in the morning? Or does River sleep with lights on?
