Page 97 of Double Daddies
She gasps. The tenderness in her expression gives way to horror—pity. “I am so sorry?—”
I raise a hand to stop her. God, the worst thingabouthaving cancer isn’t having cancer. It’s the pity. I can’t stand to see it. But telling her was necessary so she’ll really hear what I have to say next. “Cami, I didn’t say that to frighten you, or make you feelsorry for me. I just wanted you to understand: if you’re carrying my baby, it’s likely to be the only child I’ll ever have.”
Cami
I can’t think. The world feels like it’s spinning under my feet, and I’m barely managing to hold on. Ryle… has cancer? I feel like I’ve been punched in the gut, which is ridiculous, becauseheis the one who’s been suffering.
Way to go and make a man’s cancer about you.
I wince. Between that and the way Ben is looking at me—I can’t see him with my back turned, but man, do I feel those heated looks he keeps sending my way—I feel like such a jerk.
“Cami. Why don’t you sit down?” Ryle’s speaking but before he’s finished, I can see Ben walking toward me out of the corner of my eye.
He takes me by the hand and guides me over to the table. He gently pushes me into a chair. Instantly, I bend at the waist and take deep, shuddering breaths.
“What’s happening? Is she okay?”
“She’ll be fine.”
Through the panic threatening to make me black out, I hear Ben. And then he’s there, kneeling between my knees.
“Sweetie? Listen to me. Are you listening, baby bunny?”
It’s our code name: baby bunny. Ben only uses it when I’m on the verge of a panic attack, and he uses it to remind me to focus on him, to allow him to take the reins. To remind me I can trust him to protect me.
“Baby…” His voice is sterner this time, authoritative, and somehow, it helps me to relax.
“Y-yes. I’m… listening.”
“Good. Good girl.”
I feel his hand on my back, rubbing in slow, comforting circles.
“That’s good, baby bunny. Do you need me to talk you through it?”
I take another shuddering breath, then shake my head. Another slow, deep breath, then I lift my head. Ryle’s perplexed face is looking back at me. In all the chaos, I’d almost forgotten he was here.
“Look at me,” Ben murmurs.
I do as he asks and lean forward, pressing my forehead against his.
“It’s going to be okay,” he promises, using the same phrase he always does to close out each time I’ve come back from the threat of an anxiety attack.
“It’s going to be okay,” I echo him, but I’m talking about more than my near black-out.
He lets out a sigh and gives me a grateful smile.
I sit back up and look at Ryle, who is glancing between Ben and me, clearly confused. “Sorry about that. Sometimes, I… well, anyway.” I force myself to smile at him, hoping to reassure him of confidence I don’t feel. “I guess we all have things to learn about each other. You were saying?”
He clears his throat, looking uncertain for the first time since he walked into our apartment. “I came here to ask if you’re keeping the baby. Ben explained that you’re unsure who the father is, and as I said, with my radiation treatment I’m not likely to have any more children.”
I square my shoulders, forcing myself to feel brave. “I am keeping it. But I don’t want to do any paternity tests until the baby is born. I know it’s rare, but those tests can cause issues inutero. So, you’ll have to wait to know for sure who the father is.” I glance between the two of them. “Are you okay with that?”
“Yes,” Ryle answers though he’s clearly less than thrilled with my pronouncement.
Ben squeezes my hand. “You know I’m with you, Cami. No matter what.”
I take another deep breath, finally feeling the last bit of panic fade. I glance at Ryle. I know how ridiculous I must look to him right now. Does he regret walking in here now? But to my surprise the only thing I see on his face is… jealousy? No, that can’t be right.
