Page 15 of Gotta Jones For Ya
“I’m right, though,” I shot back. “You know what you do to me, and I know you can tell I’ma good nigga. So, what’s up?”
Nyomi huffed. Her lips all twisted like she didn’t know whether to cuss me out or kiss me again.
We lay there a minute in that silence that wasn’t really silent. The kind that felt like tension was simmerin’ underneath the skin. I glanced at her again, noticed the way her lashes brushed her cheeks when she blinked slowly. She looked peaceful but guarded.
“Talk to me. Why you don’t do relationships?” I asked finally.
She went quiet for a second too long before turnin’ around fully and looking at me. “Too messy.”
I licked my lips. “That ain’t a reason. That’s an excuse.”
She rolled her eyes. “Okay, therapist.”
“I’m deadass,” I said, reachin’ over to trace my finger down her spine. “You cool wit’ givin’ up the pussy, the time, the energy… but not the title?”
“It ain’t about a title.”
“So what it’s ‘bout?”
She sighed. “It’s about not dealing with men switching up. One day, they’re into you, everything’s going great, and then, another woman gets their interest. Or they’re putting hands on you, or they… just switch up. Distant. Disappearing. I’ve been there and done all that. Keon, I’m not interested in trying to prove I’m worthy of love to somebody again. Especially not a man with demons.”
I paused. “That what you think I am? A nigga wit’ demons?”
She looked at me. “Aren’t you?”
“Hell yeah,” I admitted. “But I make peace wit’ mine. I don’t project ‘em on nobody that ain’t deserve it. And I ain’t askin’ you to prove shit to me. You already showed me what I needed to see. I know you a solid woman. Got your head on straight and shit. I ain’t tryna rock your world. Just tryna step in it and see what’s up wit’ you. Wit’ us.”
She blinked at me. “Why?” she asked, voice softer. “Why you even wanna fuck with me like that? We could’ve kept this fun. No pressure.”
“‘Cause you different,” I said. “You the first woman I met in a long time that ain’t fold when I pushed. You challenge me. You got a sharp ass mouth and a softer heart than you admit. And the way you carry yourself? Sexy as fuck. I could pull bitches easy. I wantyou.”
She swallowed hard, eyes flicking down my chest before meeting mine again. “You say that now…”
“I’ll say it tomorrow too,” I promised. “And the day after that. Long as you don’t try to run.”
She lay on my chest quietly for a minute, the weight of her body relaxin’ more wit’ every breath. My hand moved slowly up and down her bare back, feeling the goosebumps poppin’ up. “You ever loved somebody who broke you?” she asked out the blue, voice low like she didn’t even mean to say it.
My fingers paused for a second, then kept movin’. “Yeah,” I said. “You?”
She nodded against my chest. “My first love. Jeremy. Met him at nineteen. Thought he was it for me. First man I let see all of me—inside and out.”
I didn’t say nothin’. Just listened. That’s all she needed.
“He was sweet at first, showing up and buying me shit. Told me I was too good for the world. Had me thinking love was easy. Then he started making me feel like I had to earn that love, like I had to chase him. Then, the abuse started. A slap here and there. A punch. Luckily, I got out before shit went too far.”
I felt her inhale deeply, then exhale slowly.
“And then, there was Caleb. I thought he was a good one, but I was dumb. He cheated, lied. Gaslit the fuck outta me. Made me feel crazy. And every time I threatened to leave, he turned into the perfect boyfriend again. Like clockwork. Until I didn’t even recognize myself any more.”
I tightened my hold on her. Jaw clenched. “You ain’t gotta explain nothin’ else to me,” I said after a pause. “But I appreciate you tellin’ me. For real.”
She looked up at me, eyes glossed over but dry. “Now you,” she whispered. “Be honest.”
I let out a slow breath, rubbed my hand over my beard. “I was engaged once,” I said. “Her name was Cierra. We was locked in and shit. Heavy. Talkin’ babies and all that. I was deep in the streets then, and she hated that shit. Couldn’t deal wit’ it.”
“What happened?”
“She ain’t wanna wait for a nigga to go legit. Told me she loved me, but she was tired of feelin’ like she was sharin’ me wit’ the streets, wit’ the risk, wit’ the women who came wit’ the lifestyle. I ain’t blame her. I was tryna be a better man, but I ain’t move fast enough.”
