Page 51 of Power of Five
“No.” My voice is even despite my pounding head. “It won’t. That wasn’t an apology for fighting, by the way; it was an expression of empathy for your worry.”
That does it.
Shade growls at me. His eyes are feral, his words a barely leashed violence. “You don’t get to get yourself killed. Never. Not for us, not for me.”
My chest aches for him. I tilt my head back, looking up at the same sky Shade was studying moments ago. “Are we talking about me or Kai?” I ask finally.
Shade stills, the tension in his muscles rippling through the air. “What?”
“Klarissa told me what happened with your twin,” I say quietly. “How you went into the Gloom alone. How Kai went after you. How only you returned.”
Shade leans away.
I grab his wrist. “Don’t you dare shift into a fuzzy puppy to avoid this conversation,” I say, looking right into those large yellow eyes. “Or we’ll see just who shakes whom by the scruff of the neck.”
Shade growls again, showing his teeth, but it’s different from before—defensive. He remains in his fae form. “It wasn’t Klarissa’s story to tell.”
“No,” my grip tightens. “It was Kai’s story. He was the one who made the choice. You don’t get to take that away from him, Shade, to say what his priorities should have been.”
Shade’s eyes flash, his shoulders rising with rapid breaths. He tries to jerk his hand back, but I’m ready and hold on with all my might. Instead of freeing himself from my hold, Shade’s movement pulls me closer to him. The male’s nostrils flare and he growls into my face.
I don’t pull away. I don’t even flinch. My knees settle beside Shade’s thighs and I place my free hand against his sweaty cheek.
“It wasn’t his choice to make,” he says.
“Whose choice was it?” I ask softly.
“Iwent into the Gloom,” Shade whispers. “I went. I made the choice. Me. No one else. I was cocky and confident and reckless and stupid. And—” He cuts off his words. A snarl that’s meant to be vicious but is brimming with pain instead escapes his chest. “You know what happened next.”
I rise high on my knees and bring my forehead to rest against Shade’s. Feel the trembling of those powerful muscles. My heart longs to wrap Shade in my arms, easing his thoughts. But I don’t. Can’t. I owe him better than that.
Ten years. He’s spent ten years avoiding these memories. And it’s time for Shade to return in soul as well as body.
I make my voice hard. A wolf, Coal reminded me, Shade is a wolf. And sometimes wolves need a nip. “Say it.”
“I can’t,” Shade whispers.
My heart tears, but I don’t let the male escape. Not from this. The heat of our bodies fills the air. “Say it, Shade. You made the choice. You went into the Gloom. And then?”
“And then a school of piranhas was there. And I could have left, but I didn’t. I went after them for bloody bragging rights. I didn’t see that they were coming from the Subgloom, that there wasn’t an end to their masses. And then it was too late. There is a paralytic on their teeth, and one chomped down on me the wrong way. They were so slow, those damn worms. And I was fast. Until I couldn’t move at all.”
“And then?”
“And then I kept my mouth shut,” Shade stutters, his voice rising with each new word. “But Kai was my bloody twin and he sensed my peril anyway. So he came. And then he died. It should have been me, but it was him. Is that what you wanted me to say, Lera? I am the one who should have died. Me.”
I press my mouth over Shade’s, pouring every ounce of understanding and compassion and resolve into the kiss. The large male freezes beneath my touch but his lips yield to mine, his heart pounding so hard I feel it through our touching chests.
“Kai wanted you to live,” I whisper, pulling away from Shade’s mouth to draw breath. “Stop sulking because you didn’t get consulted, and get the hell out of that ten-year-old piranha pit. We need you here, Shade. I need you.”
Shade stills, my last words hanging between us. My own body goes still as well, my heart stopping for a moment before sprinting into a neck-breaking gallop. I meant the words for Shade, but the truth of them recoils into my soul, ricocheting with merciless power. I do need him. I need them all. I love them.
Stars.I pull back from Shade, my eyes wide.I don’t get to love them, not without them dying for it.Hell, I nearly got everyone killed just crossing a stretch of land, and if we stay together it will only get worse. I’m a distraction at best and a bloody target at worst. I study Shade’s beautiful, strong face. The silver lining his yellow eyes. Kai loved Shade enough to ensure he lived. And though I’ve never met Shade’s twin, I understand Kai completely.
I’ll do whatever must be done to keep the males alive.
“Cub?” Shade asks, reaching his hand toward me.
I jerk back. Get to my feet. Dip my hand into my pocket to feel Klarissa’s stone. I know what I must do, and that I need to do it quickly, while I’m still brave. There is only so much willpower inside me, and I’m down to the very last drop. Pulling out the stone, I bite my lip hard enough to raise a bead of blood.
