Page 52 of Great Falls Protector
“Time’s up.” Shade’s voice lashes between River and me as he crosses the library. “Lera and I have unfinished business.” I have only a moment to turn and brace myself before the male is in front of me, gripping my shoulders, golden eyes blazing. His muscles are so tight, it looks like he’s barely breathed since I left the library fifteen minutes ago. “Pull a stunt like that again, and I will muzzle you.”
“Stand down.” River is on his feet at once, lips pulled back to reveal his canines.
Standing between the two males, I put a hand on both their chests, shoving River back down into his chair while forcing Shade to take a step back. “I don’t need help dealing with this idiot, River,” I say, twisting to square off against the shifter, my blood heating. “Speak to me that way again, and I will rip off your balls and feed them to the first hog I find.”
“You think it’smewho is the problem here?” Shade demands.
Leaving River where he is, I pinch Shade’s arm right above the elbow and pull him toward the back of the library, Tye and Coal both getting out of my way without a word.
The high-domed ceiling makes it so even the soft rustle of pages turning feels grand and somber. But it also makes it so I can hear every single sound irritatingly magnified—Shade’s quick breaths at my back, Gavriel’s scratching quill at some private desk in the stacks, tiny squeaks as Arisha’s cat, Minion, tortures another mouse. I wonder where Arisha went that Gavriel hadn’t found her, what the girl would find more interesting than plotting against Owalin.
A sudden boom of thunder is so loud in the scratching, squeaking silence that I jump, then yank harder on Shade’s arm to try to mask it.
The tsunami of emotions battering me with every step turns the edges of my vision dark, the beat of Shade’s pulse under my fingers like a tapping against my soul.
This isn’t how anything was supposed to go. Like River’s performance in the courtyard, it’s a bloody mockery of all the times I imagined the return of Shade’s memories, the male wrapping his muscled arms around me, his velvet lips brushing against mine. And it’s bloody unjust.
Many turns through long narrow aisles later, we reach a reading nook that Arisha showed me once, far in the back corner of the vast library—the closest we can get to privacy, short of going outside. Tall, semicircular shelves surround a space covered in floor cushions, a single curved window cut out in the center of the shelves casting light to read by—though with the coming storm, it might as well be twilight in here.
I shove the male against the wall. “You want to tell me what in the name of all the stars is up with you?” I demand, pressing my fingers into Shade’s flesh, my hard tone the only thing I can do to fight against my stinging eyes.
Shade looks down at me, at the grip that I have on his arm, his usually expressive golden gaze as unreadable as River’s. His bare chest rises and falls with deep even breaths, every intricate line of muscle casting shadows in the low light, a sheen of sweat glinting on his abdominals despite the swiftly cooling air. Lines of strain spider from the corners of his eyes. If I didn’t know better, I’d think he let me shove him against the wall because he needs its support to keep upright.Given that he threatened tomuzzleme moments ago, however, I am not about to underestimate the male for a moment.
“Well?” I prompt, realizing Shade still has yet to answer my question.
“I remembered who I am,” he says.
“And did something go wrong with that process?” Still holding on to Shade’s elbow, I press my other hand into his sternum, my canines bared. “Because the Shade I knew was a reasonable and kind male, not a thickheaded coyote who wants to shove, piss, and growl his way to whatever he wants.”
Shade’s brow twitches at my grip, a hint of irony flashing before it disappears behind that damn mask of cold resolve. “What I am, cub, is a wolf. And a warrior. One who left you unprotected for too many months. That ends now—whether you like it or not. I’ve told you before, when I have a choice between keeping you happy and keeping you safe, the latter will win every time. I don’t give a bloody damn whether you like that answer.”
Heat simmers my blood, the tolling bell in the keep’s tower reminding me how little time we have before people die. “So I can add my happiness to the long list of things you no longer give a bloody damn about.” With an effort that’s as grand as squaring off before Coal, I tamp down the streak of violence rushing through me and force myself to try reason. “All right, Shade. Let us play this out. Two dozen Night Guard fae are holding half the continental kings hostage. Magic is free in the mortal world. What exactly do you imagine happening now if you had your way?”
“We go home,” says Shade. “Once I’m certain River is stable and we can get you out of here safely.”
“You want to abandon them?” The words sound strange on my tongue. “The humans. You want to forget we were here on a mission, that the Night Guard is holding their kings hostage, and sneak out the back door?”
“I don’twantto abandon anybody,” Shade snarls, finally grabbing the hand I have holding his elbow and throwing off my grip. “But I already have. There is no going back on what I’ve done!” Shade’s chest heaves as if he just ran for miles, his tight cheekbones and jaw razor-sharp in the shadows, his long black hair giving his beauty a feral edge. His throat bobs. “I can only try to contain the damage now. To protect you and the pups ahead of all else.”
“You—” I stop, something about Shade’s words catching inside my chest. Frowning, I study his tight face, the lines that I took for fatigue before now looking more like deep pain.Beneath the taut tanned skin, Shade’s muscles are so tense that it’s a miracle the male can move at all. I cock my head, gripping his gaze before it can slide away. “What do you mean, what you’ve already done?”
Shade flinches.
My chest tightens.”What did you do, Shade?”
His head drops, his large shoulder curling slightly around his core. Beyond the window, the rain finally starts, like a bucket being overturned. But through a slim crack in the clouds, a single ray of sunlight sparkles against the silver I now see lining his large eyes.I don’t want to abandon anybody—but I already have.Shade’s words whisper again in my head.
Slowly, carefully, I reach toward his cheek, the stubble there just peeking from his tanned skin.
Shade presses himself farther into the wall, shaking his head slightly.
Ignoring the signal, I lay my palm on his face, letting the tiny shadow of stubble prickle my palm.”Who did you abandon?” I whisper.
He lifts his gaze with as great an effort as I’ve ever seen from him, golden eyes wide with a mix of vulnerability and sorrow. “You. I abandoned you. For months and months. I left you all alone. You are with cubs, and I left you all alone.”
My hand tightens on Shade’s chin, and I don’t let the male pull away from me. “You had no choice. The magic—”
“My wolf knew!” he yells. “My wolf fought it. Sensed what was happening. If he could do it, I should have as well. I should have fought harder.” Shade’s voice shakes as he speaks, and when I take a step closer to him, I feel the fine tremor rushing through his body. In all my time with the quint, I’ve seen Shade angry and worried, stubborn and kind—but this is the first time I’ve seen him tearing apart with a pain so deep, I don’t know how I’m going to reach it.
