Page 28 of A Court of Truth and Thorns
I stare after her.
Wil puts his undrunk goblet of wine on a side table and rises, running his hands through his hair. His bewildered eyes skip around the room. “I think I need a walk.”
“Of course,” I say, starting to rise.
Wil shakes his head. “Alone. I need to think. Please. Leaveme be.” Turning on his heels, Wil strides from the room, leaving me, Rune, and silence.
The click of the door behind him shoots inexplicable panic through me. I press my back against the couch, my mouth suddenly dry, my palms sweaty.
“Are you all right?” Rune asks.
Of course I’m not all right. Nothing about this is all right. From the thrice-damned alliance that King Owain just proposed to the blood soaking Rune’s shirt and the unjust fact that I feel more for the man standing before me than I was ever meant to.
I don’t know what to say. Where to look. How to escape. “Are you?”
Rune shakes out his coat and sticks his arms into the sleeves, only the slowness of his movements belying any discomfort. “My father puts Everett first. As he should. He is a good ruler. That is more important than being a good father.”
My head snaps to him, the last of the tethers holding my emotions at bay cracking like a dry twig. “He whipped you for being alive, Rune.” Just saying the words sends molten iron through me. I want to burn Owain for hurting Rune—and throttle Rune for being hurt in the first place. It makes no sense, but nothing about Rune does.
He raises his chin. “He punished me for trying to strong-arm the public image of the throne. Tell me you don’t understand. Look me in the eye and tell me your master would have done any different.”
I rise, stepping toward him. A harsh, humorless laugh escapes my throat. “You want to know whether I understand? I do. Owain used you to send a message about his power. The same way he’s used you for the past five years. As a message. A banner. An idea. You can feign blindness and justify his intent all you want, but I’m done with lies. Including lying tomyself.” I turn to the door. “Go to hell, and take your father with you.”
“Wait.”
I keep walking.
“Kali.” His voice softens. “Please.”
I hesitate.Leave. Leave now,a voice inside my head warns.
I turn.
“I’ve not lied to you,” says Rune. “I just want that set straight before you leave.”
My nostrils flare, my hands curling slowly into fists. “No, you’re right. You kissed me, let me think you cared, let me... let me fall in love with you.” I don’t expect myself to say the words until they’re out of my mouth, and I’m too angry to take them back. My pulse races, my breaths coming quick and shallow as if I’m readying for battle. The rest tumbles out so quickly that the sentences trip. “And then you told me you were leaving, and did—without ever looking back. The man who woke the morning after our last kiss had no interest in me, or room for me in his life. So no, you never lied, Rune. You were upfront and honest when you decided to trample on me.”
Rune steps toward me, his eyes wide, his head shaking. “No. That’s not—”
I step back. “Enough.” My eyes sting with tears, which only makes me angrier. “You don’t get to rewrite the past any more than you get to spin your father’s horridness into wisdom.” My chest heaves with hollow breaths, heart racing to outrun my own words. “What was I to you,Your Highness? A conquest? A distraction?”
“No.” He lunges forward before I can move again and grabs both my shoulders. The strength of the warrior he is sings in every fiber. His face lowers to be level with mine. “You think I kept my distance because Ilost interest? Stars. That would be like losing interest in air.” He gives me a small shake. “Kissing you was the most self-indulgent, selfish thing I could have done. You deserve better than an irrelevant symbol who couldn’t even stop Luca’s words when they cut you. I overstepped when I kissed you last time, and I’ve struggled to undo the damage every moment since.” He releases me as if dropping a scalding kettle, and we stare at each other across a foot of sizzling air.
19
KALI
My mind races. Hearing the words I’ve ached for day after day shatters my world all over again. I hate him for saying them, hate myself for wanting them. An offer of a drug just when the worst of the withdrawal has finally passed.
“I’m sorry.” Rune steps away, showing empty palms. “You are right to despise me, Kal. Just do it for the right reasons.”
I rub the heels of my hands over my eyes. I need a moment to think. Walking over to the closest armchair, I drop onto its cushion. My mind spins. Rune. Owain. Dansil. Leaf. My heart beats so hard, it eclipses the clock. The words I threw at Rune just moments ago, calling him nothing but a message, return to haunt me. There is no winning for us; the rules are rigged.
“Rigged?” Rune echoes, and I realize I said my last thought aloud. Which is just as well, because the embers smoldering in my blood billow into flames again.
“Rigged to tie your worth to your father’s word. To makeme something that got swept along in the current. Someone else always pulling our strings. Why?”
Rune frowns. “I don’t know,” he says softly. “It just... is.”
