Page 10 of The Vanishing Cherry Blossom Bookshop
‘Fox.’
The voice ringing in her ears belonged to herself, her younger self. What was happening? Although Mio wasn’t entirely sure, she somehow understood that she was now inside her past self and was reliving an experience from her childhood. This was probably why the text and the layout of the pages appeared larger than before.
Just then, a hand ruffled her hair. She turned her head to find her mother’s arm stretching towards her. There she was, her mother in her younger years. A face that had long faded from her memory.
‘You understand, Mio? I’m so proud of you! You love the fox, don’t you?’
Mio couldn’t help staring into her mother’s smiling eyes, into the reflection of herself laughing like she didn’t have a care in the world. Then, her mother gently cupped her cheeks with both her hands and drew her face closer to Mio’s.
‘You’re such a clever girl. Did you know that this is Mummy’s favourite book? When I first read it, I thought, “Wow, I didn’t know words could be so beautiful.” It was this book that made me want to become a Japanese teacher. It feels like such a long time ago now.’
Mio giggled at the ticklish sensation of her mother’s cheek against hers. Just as clearly, a profound joy washed over her, telling her once again that she was truly present in that moment. The same voice that had said ‘fox’ followed with more words. She could no longer tell if it was her or her younger self that was speaking.
‘I love this book, too. But I don’t like snake. Snake is scary.’
Her own words reminded Mio of just how much she had adored this book at the time. She refused to go anywhere without it. Every night, and every chance she got, she would ask her mother to read it to her. Her mother always said yes. Although she couldn’t really understand the story, she loved gazing at the illustrations. That, and listening to the sound of her mother’s voice, made her the happiest girl in the world.
It was all coming back to her now.This was why I had started drawing,she remembered.I had wanted to create a world like this myself.A world like no other, woven from freely intertwining words and pictures. With the help of her dip pen, she would bring it to life on paper. Long before she could put it into words, she’d already been captivated by the universe unfolding in front of her.
‘Kisanuki-sensei, there are certain scenes in your early work where, unexpectedly, you take a step away from reality, just for a fleeting moment. I love those moments. Nothing could make me happier than to be able to help you create such works. That is the reason I applied for this position.’
It was Takahashi who had said those kind words during her interview for the assistant position. That must have been a lifetime ago, she thought. But now she remembered:The Little Princewas where it all began.
Just as this thought entered her mind, she felt the same dizzying sensation as before, and her view shifted.
The next moment, Mio found herself in another scene. This time, an elderly woman was speaking angrily to her mother. She was likely her grandmother. Despite the barrage of harsh words, her mother held her head high and stood with an air of unwavering resolve. Next to her, her father simply slumped his shoulders.
‘What makes you think that you can go out and work, when you’re neglecting all your responsibilities at home? Toshiyuki can’t find a stable job because of you.’
In the next room, Mio listened as her grandmother grew louder and louder. She tried to focus on a book, but was unable to grasp a single word. Even though the shouting was not directed at her, she found it unbearable.
‘Your duty as a woman is to support your husband at home. You’re a bad influence on Mio. Because of you, she locks herself up at home, reading books all the time. She hardly ever goes out to play – she’s turned into a miserable little child. And just like you, she has no charm. Don’t you know that there’s only one way a woman can find happiness? You should teach her to be more ladylike and get her married off?—’
‘Please stop,’ Mio’s mother, who had been listening silently, interjected sharply. She kept her back straight as she continued, ‘Mio will find happiness for herself. She has her own future, her own life. None of it is your business.’
For a moment, her grandmother was speechless. But soon, she became even more enraged and started shouting again. While Mio’s father watched helplessly, her mother remained unfazed, her eyes pinned on her mother-in-law.
Still in the next room, Mio quietly moved to a spot where she could see her mother. Her mother kept her back straight, just as she always had.
After that, Mio continued to experience her forgotten past. Holding her mother’s hand, she turned around to look at her father, wondering why he wasn’t chasing after them. She saw her mother’s pale face as she confronted her father. As her father sat with his head hung, she watched her mother hold back her tears.
I was there the whole time, watching Mum’s life unfold before me.
There was also a scene where Mio had started to doze off while being read to, and her mother was speaking to her under her breath.
‘To live a life with my head held high – I’ve always stuck with this motto, because I want to make you kids proud?—’
They were the words that rose to Mio’s mind after her mother passed away. But she now learned that her words hadn’t stopped there.
‘So, Mio, I’m sure you’ll go through many things from now on. But I hope from the bottom of my heart that you will live your life with your head held high.’
After saying this, she stroked Mio’s hair fondly.To live a life with my head held high.She repeated the words silently, letting them resonate within her.
In the next scene, Mio was wearing her junior-high-school uniform. She was fast asleep in the living room, leaning against the wall with her brother’s head resting on her lap. It looked like she had fallen asleep while trying to put Yoshihiro to bed.The Little Princewas left open, placed face down beside her.I could have at least gotten changed. Was I so tired that I had forgotten?Just as Mio had started to feel a little ashamed of her laziness, she realised what she was looking at. It was the day of her father’s funeral. Indeed, her mother was in her mourning clothes as she emerged from the kitchen.
Opening her eyes, Mio slowly sat upright, taking care not to wake her brother. As she did so, she searched her mind for the right words to say to her mother. However, her mother, seemingly oblivious to this, began to clear the teacup and ashtray that were left on the round table next to Mio. Her hands were so shaky, just watching her made Mio anxious. It was obvious that her mother was trying to stop herself from trembling.
Pulling a floor cushion towards her, she placed her brother’s head on it. Her quivering mother finally rose to her feet and shuffled into the kitchen with unsteady steps. Thinking back, Mio recalled that a group of rather intimidating-looking people had come to the house straight after the funeral. They had spoken in quite a heated manner. Mio couldn’t tell if it was her present self or her teenage self that was having the recollection.
