Page 87 of Meet Me in the Vines
“Donovan, it’s not about you! It’s my fear and my shit that I have to deal with! You had no right to go behind my back and dothis,” I cry out. He pinches the bridge of his nose and keeps his gaze on the sheets.
“So what did you end up finding out, huh? Did you get the information you wanted?” I spit out the words with poison behind them. My skin is hot and itchy and the frustration that is bubbling inside me is trying to find a way out.
He pauses before answering, my breaths ragged and short. “The chief ruled everything out. No one is following you, and Kellan is not in the picture anymore,” he states curtly. When he looks at me, his eyes break my heart. The navy hue is dull, full of regret and sorrow.
I want to shout “I told you so,” but I bite my tongue. The familiar ache of betrayal and mistrust flood my brain. I want to cry, but no tears form. No sting brimming the edges of my eyes. I forgave Donovan for everything in the past. I fell madly in love with him. And now, it hurts so much more.
“Donovan, you betrayed my trust,” I whisper, clenching my jaw while staring into those ocean blue eyes I can’t resist. “I love you, but I need space,” I say, swiftly moving out of bed to find clothes to put on.
He doesn’t get up, just watches me as I dart around the room, gathering my things to put them in a duffle bag from the closet. Once I’m fully dressed, he stands to meet me at the foot of the bed.
“Mouse, I’m sorry. You were right. I betrayed your trust. I fucked up. But I will never be sorry for wanting to protect you.” He pauses, cupping my face in his hands. “I know that this is something that onlyyouhave to overcome, but don’t you think this hurts me too? Seeing you hurt? Seeing you fall apart because ofhim?” he murmurs, holding my face so gently, afraid I might crumble to dust beneath his hold.
“You’re right,” I admit with a sigh. “But you could’ve talked to me first. Youshould’vetalked to me. I went ten years withoutknowing what happened between us. You shut me out once—” I choke, tears forming quickly now. “You shut me out and now, after everything, after I asked you not to go to the police…you did it anyway,” I whisper with a crack in my voice. I shift my cheek out of his hold and use my shoulder to wipe the tears from the corners of my eyes.
I pick up the duffle bag and sling it over my shoulder. “I’m gonna go stay at my gran’s cottage tonight. I need some space and time to think. Okay?”
He slowly nods, wrapping his arms around my waist and pulling me close. My stomach flutters at the gesture, loving how I feel when we are close like this. He presses his forehead to mine, his breaths are deep. In through the nose, out through the nose.
“Take all the time you need. I’m sorry, Mouse. I love you so much, you know that, right?” he murmurs. His breath skates along my skin, flooding me with love and warmth. God, I love him so much it hurts. But I need to step away for a second. I need to process alone.
“I know,” I whisper, placing a tender kiss on the corner of his mouth. I leave Donovan standing in the bedroom, his head hung low in defeat. In sadness. Probably in regret.
I swipe my keys and hastily make my way to Jules, tossing my bag into the backseat. As soon as I start the engine, I look in the rearview mirror and see Donovan leaning against the door frame.
My eyes well up and his image blurs as I blink away the tears and drive off, his image getting smaller and smaller in my mirror. I choke back sobs as the morning air stings my skin, checking my rearview until Donovan is no longer there.
Chapter Thirty
DONOVAN
I approach the black iron gate, gravel crunching beneath my tires. My muscle memory kicks in as I make the familiar turns around the cemetery. A right at the big willow, a left at the water fountain with an angel perched on top, another left at the gold-roofed mausoleum, a right at the wooden bench.
I used to come here almost every day after James passed. I’d sit for hours talking to him about school, sports, and girls. Well, one girl in particular.
I pull off to the side of the gravel road and park my truck, grabbing the bottle of Coke from the cupholder. I take a quick glance around and notice I’m alone today. Usually there are one or two people nearby sitting by their loved one’s headstones having quiet, one-sided conversations. Today, it’s just me and James.
I wish Audrey were with me. We should be together right now. This is the longest we’ve gone without talking. I watched her drive away yesterday morning and haven’t heard from her since.
Work was a blur. My mind and heart weren’t in it. It took everything in me not to drive up to her cottage, knock on her door, and sweep her off her feet, begging for her to come hometo me. She needed space, and I promised I’d give her that. I also promised not to go behind her back, but I did anyway. How could she trust me again after that? I take a deep breath and trek my way to James, hoping my big brother can bring me solace.
I spot his headstone in the distance and tread carefully around the other graves, making sure I don’t step on any. Approaching his headstone gives me pause—it always does. I’m not sure I’ll ever get used to seeing my brother’s name inscribed with a glossy finish on a cold, hard stone. I squat down in front of it, gently running my hands across the text.
In Loving Memory of James Caleb King
Loving Son, Brother, and Friend
June 4th, 1994 – August 8th, 2012
“Hey, big bear. Happy thirtieth birthday,” I whisper, carefully picking the overgrown grass gathering at the base of his grave.
“Here you go, old man. I brought your favorite. It was the last one, too. I had to bribe some kid for it. Lost ten bucks,” I chuckle, placing the glass bottle on his grave, like an offering.
Mom rarely let us drink soda growing up, but when she did, James insisted that he only drink Coke from a glass bottle. He said it tasted better, that it was the only way to drink it. We used to sit at the edge of the river after a long day of fishing and drink our Cokes from the bottle. It was just us two, sitting in silence, enjoying the sound of flowing water and each other’s company.
I lower myself onto my bottom, picking my knees up and looping my arms around them. I take a moment and read his name over and over, like if I read it enough times, I can will him back into existence.
“Sorry I haven’t visited in a while. The winery has been doing really well, the vineyard too.” I look up at the sky and squint when I catch a sun ray in my eye. A few clouds float along, and I try to stare long enough to see if I can spot James in them.
