Page 88 of Meet Me in the Vines
“I went to Sunday dinner. It was…nice. Dad wasn’t a total prick, and we all got too drunk, which made Mom kind of mad,” I chuckle, quickly clenching my jaw when a wave of grief hits me. I stare hard at his death date. “Wish you were there...” I take a long pause between my conversations with him, imagining what his words would be if he were here to reply. I play his dialogue in my head and mask his voice over my thoughts.
“What is it with you and Dad?” “You’re both stubborn as hell.” “You need to shave.” “What are you benching these days?” “Find yourself a nice woman yet?”
“So, I wanted to talk to you about someone. Well, not just someone. It’s Audrey Winthrop.” I fidget with my thumbs, feeling a little embarrassed for getting nervous in front of my brother’s tombstone. The corners of my lips tug upward when I imagine James hitting my shoulder and giving me shit about being in love.
“I know I’ve talked to you about her before. I mean, she’s the only girl I’ve ever really told you about.” I wish he could see us now and really get to know Audrey. He would absolutely love her. I swallow the lump in my throat and sit up straighter.
“I love her, big bear. She’s the one. Always has been. And I don’t know how or why or what I did to deserve it, but somehow, she loves me too.” I close my eyes and imagine him and me sitting at the riverbank, his arm draped across my shoulder.
It’s been twelve years, and I still see his face so clearly in my mind. The scar across his eyebrow from when a fishing hook got caught in it when we were kids, his chocolate brown hair matching mine, and the dimples that only he and I share.
“She’s had it rough for a long time.” My fists clench when a flash of Kellan pops into my mind. I shove it away quickly, not wanting to bring his face into this place. “And she was hurt. He fucking hurt her, James. He fucking tried to kill h—” My voice breaks, angry tears brim my eyes. I rub my eyes on my sleeve, staring off into the rolling valleys ahead. For a place so beautiful, a part of its beauty will never be whole since James died.
“But I fucked up, James. I betrayed her trustagain. I thought I was doing the right thing, but I did the one thing that she asked me not to do…” I murmur, resting my chin on top of my knee.
“Now, she won’t talk to me. She left my place to go stay at her cottage. She said she needs space, but how the fuck am I supposed to protect her if she pushes me away?” I stare harder at his tombstone, begging him to speak to me. I’d do anything to hear his voice.
“I’m not giving up on her. On us. I won’t lose her a second time. I’ll do whatever it takes.”
Even though she doesn’t want to see me right now, I’m not letting her go. Audrey is fire and lightning, hot to the touch and hard to catch. But somehow, I was the lucky bastard to catch her. Hell, I’ve been burned in the process, but it’s worth it.
Every. Fucking. Time.
“I’m gonna ask her to marry me. Maybe not today or tomorrow. But one day, I’m gonna make her my wife.”
I pull the ring box out of my pocket and flip open the top. It’s a simple oval cut diamond with a rose gold band. The afternoon sun glimmers against its facets, my heart aflutter imagining Audrey’s delicate ring finger marked with my promise.
I bring back my gaze to his name, taking a deep inhale of fresh-cut grass. “We have a long way to go, but I want forever with her. If you were here, I’d want you to be my best man.” My voice cracks as I let the tears fall. I grieve for my big brother. We should be celebrating with beers at Siren’s Flask, a barbecue atMom and Dad’s, fishing with Wyatt and Kerry. Instead, I sit here while he’s six feet under, wondering if he can even hear me.
I close the ring box and shove it back into my pocket. “I miss you. We all miss you,” I whisper, pushing myself up to stand. I brush the grass off my jeans and kiss the top of his tombstone. I look up at the sky, imagining his face in the clouds.
“I love you, big bear. Until I see you again. Happy birthday.” I graze my fingers one last time across his name, and turn on my heel toward my truck. I halt in my tracks when I see a familiar car parked behind mine.
“Dad?”
I see my dad round the hood of his car, his eyes lock on mine. I move toward him and meet him at the edge of the grass.
“Hey, son.”
“Hey, Dad. I thought you would have come this morning…” I trail off, surprised to see him here without the rest of my family.
“Uh, no. Your mother and brothers did, but I wanted to come alone. I’m sorry, I can leave and let you—” I shake my head and wave my hand in the air.
“No, it’s okay. Stay. I was just leaving,” I reply curtly, reaching into my pocket to grab my keys.
“Donovan, wait. Can we talk?” he asks, his jaw clenching as his hard eyes stare at me. I guess we’re doing this.
James, you sly bastard.
I nod and motion at the bench nearby for us to sit. We sit a foot apart, staring at the giant oak tree that stands before us.
“You know, when your brother was five, he climbed so high in a tree just like that one.” He points in front of us, squinting his eyes as the sun peeks through the leaves. “We almost had to call the fire department because he refused to come down,” he chuckles under his breath. A smile tugs at my lips, thinking of a five-year-old James giving my parents hell. His hands clasptogether in his lap, admiring the giant oak that probably has many stories to tell.
“Really? I don’t remember that,” I murmur, willing my memory to jumpstart.
“You were with Logan’s family that day getting ice cream while your mother and I bribed James with a new toy.” A sad smile forms, his eyes sad too. We both sit in silence for a moment. The only sounds that surround us are songbirds in the trees and the breeze weaving through a set of chimes hanging nearby.
“Donovan, I’m sorry,” he whispers, his gaze finally meeting mine. I don’t know what to say. The words get stuck in my throat as I try to talk. I grind my molars, looking out toward the oak tree. Before I can speak, he holds his hand up to continue. My eyes flit back to his.
