Page 46 of Must Love Libraries and Libations
I opened my mouth to defend him, then closed it. She wasn’t wrong.
“Here’s the thing about an ‘I can fix him’ situation,” Zarina continued. “Sometimes it’s just a fantasy. You’re attracted to a broken man because you think you can heal him, or because you’re trying to fix something inside yourself, or because, on some level, you’re setting yourself up for heartbreak you think you deserve.”
“You said sometimes…”
Zarina sighed. “Yeah, because sometimes a person really can be fixed. They just need the right person.” She gave me a serious look. “So the question is, which is this? Is he just going to keep running every time things get too real?”
I stared into my tea, watching the herbs swirl. “I don’t know.”
“At least you know what question to ask. You deserve someone who chooses you, Prim. Not someone who panics and calls you a mistake. You are sunshine and magic and joy, and any man who can’t see that doesn’t deserve you. Period.” Her voice was fierce, protective.
“What do I do now?”
“I would give him space. If he comes crawling back with a real apology and a promise to do better, then maybe you consider it. But if he doesn’t…” She shrugged. “Then you know where you stand. Never chase a man who doesn’t want you. Chasing him won’t change his mind, and in the process, you lose your dignity.”
I sipped my tea, feeling the phoenix feather’s fire warming me from within. “You’re right. And, I suppose, if things don’t work out, there’s always Kevin.”
Zarina laughed. “No. It can never be that bad. Kevin is neither red smoke nor green smoke. He’s just…Kevin.”
At that, we both laughed.
“Now, you’ve got a party to throw, and I have about a hundred cupcakes to bake. Are you going to let some emotionally constipated gargoyle ruin your biggest event of the year?”
“Absolutely not.”
“That’s my girl.” Zarina rose and wrapped a still-warm cherry tart in parchment and handed it to me. “For your dad. They’re his favorite.”
“Thank you.”
“And Prim?”
“Yeah?”
“Whatever you decide, make sure you’re choosing what’s best for you, not what’s easiest for him. Make him work for it.”
I stood and hugged her tightly. “Thank you. For the tea, the tart, and the hard truths.”
“Anytime. Now go show this town how to throw a proper party.”
Feeling steadier, I headed to the door and stepped outside into the morning air. Turning, I made my way from The Sconery toward home. As I went, I glanced through the window of Winifred’s flower shop next door. I let out a little squeak of embarrassment when I saw movement inside. The last thing I needed was for Winnie, the well-intended town gossip, to catch me like this. If she saw me, everyone would know.
As I hurried down the street, I mulled over Zarina’s words. The hurt was still there, but underneath it was something harder, more determined.
Zarina was right.
I deserved someone who chose me.
The question was, what would Erasmus choose?
My mind was a torrent of thoughts as I made my way home. When Erasmus wasn’t acting like an ass, he was everything I wanted. He was strong, handsome, intelligent, and just…fascinating. And he had kindness in him. I knew he did. I saw it in the way he treated the bookwyrms and in the way he touched me.
“Ugh, what should I do?” I moaned aloud.
“What’s that?” a voice answered.
I stopped cold and turned, following the sound of the voice. I had been heading home, but somehow, my feet had made a turn to Buttercup Lane. And once more, I was standing in front of Widow Merribell’s pink cottage.
The sun had risen, a bright, rosy-pink sunrise making the sky shimmer with trails of rose gold. It cast a soft glow on the little cottage, making the flowers sparkle. Soft pink peonies grew in the flower beds, and gentle porcelain roses had grown wild along the front of the house, their smell perfuming the morning air. The wild window boxes tugged at my heart for attention.
