Page 1 of Dangerous Men
1
SYDNEY’S NIGHT
“Pleasetellme you’re not thinking about Chase again.”
I sink further in my seat, focusing all my energy on the drink in front of me and deliberately not meeting Jade’s eyes. I don’t need to look at her to know exactly how she looks right now, leaning back in her chair with her arms crossed and her lips set in a tight line. We’ve known each other for so many years now that her look of disapproval is permanently etched into my brain.
“The two of you broke up months ago,” Jade reminds me. Her naturally black hair is dyed a bright bubblegum pink tonight and is tied back from her face in a messy bun. Out of the corner of my eye, I watch a strand of it fall forward, brushing against her cheek, and in the lights of the club, the color seems to glow. “And, in case you forgot, Sydney, he’s a totalasshole.”
“I promise you, I’m not thinking about Chase,” I lie, taking a sip from myfourthmartini of the night. The gin pools in mystomach with the rest of tonight’s drinks, but I’ve lost the pleasantly warm buzz I had earlier. It’s gone, just like my good mood. “And we don’t need to keep talking about him. Honestly, I’m so bored just hearing his name come out of my mouth.”
I paint a smile on my face, willing myself to believe what I’m saying is true, willing myself to stop thinking about him, even if just for one night.
“Syd…” Jade presses, and when I finally glance over at her, her dark brown eyes don’t look disapproving at all. They look concerned.
Great. Now my stomach is full of both ginandguilt.
Jade knows me. Truly knows me in the way only a best friend can. And she knows me too well to believe me when I say I’m okay right now. I’m far from okay.
I slump in my seat even more, the weight of my mood dragging me down.
I was okay when the night started, though. I was doinggreat.
But that was before we ran intothem.
I was only two martinis deep and enjoying a rare fun night out when I spotted Katie across the dance floor of the club. Not just Katie, either, but the whole college gang. Friends of mine, not Jade’s. Friends I hadn’t seen in months—not since the breakup.
It’s my fault I haven’t seen any of them, I know. After Chase and I fell apart, I cut myself off from the whole group, isolating myself from everyone but Jade. Jade, who was mine and mine alone. Jade, who was my port in any storm, my oldest and best friend. Katie and Sarah and all the rest of that group were my friends, sure, but they’d been Chase’s friends, too. Hell, Katie’s husband was practically his best friend, and had been for years.
Seeing them meant almost certainly seeing Chase. Something I wasn’t ready for. Might never be ready for.
Every time I’d considered reaching out to them, and every time I weaseled my way out of yet another social gathering, I’d thought about that. Thought about the risk of us ending up at the same place at the same time. Thought about being in the same room with him after everything he’d put me through.
Call me pathetic, but I couldn’t stomach the idea of running into Chase again. So that left me with only one logical option: cutting myself off from everyone completely. Ignoring every invite and every phone call from everyone who reached out.
Not that many of them did.
But when I saw them tonight and realized that the club was too loud and too busy for me to have to explain my sudden exodus from their lives, I’d wanted to go over there. I’d wanted to say hi to them, to hug them, to remind them I was still alive! Still here!
Still mattered!
I had just worked up the courage to do it when I spotted him. Chase. Chase and his new, very blonde, very preppy girlfriend.
It hit me then. The crushing realization that not only did Chase pick this girl over me, but apparently so had all my friends.
Was I so easily replaced? So easily tossed aside and discarded by all of them?
I’d held on so tight to what Chase and I had together, and it almost killed me. I’d wanted so badly to fit with someone, to be someone’s other half. Over the course of our relationship, I molded myself to be the epitome of everything I thought he wanted. Everything I thought would make him happy. I wasthe perfect girlfriend. Day by day, minute by minute, I became an “us”.
And it still wasn’t enough.
No matter how much I bent, how much I changed, it was never enough. I became smaller and smaller until I didn’t even recognize myself anymore…and hestillfound someone better.
Chase and I weren’t good together, I try to remind myself. Nothing about it was good, and Jade doesn’t even know half of what I put up with from him. She doesn’t know how bad it got at the end. So why is it still so painful? I finally took off the rose-colored glasses I had pressed so tightly to my eyes, but I’m still crushed over losing the person I thought I’d be with forever.
I watched them all leave together, unable to summon the courage to walk over to them. My ex, his new girlfriend, and my old friends. As they filed out of the club, Chase finally looked across the crowded room and met my eyes.
And my heart shattered into pieces again. Not just for what he did to me. Not just for what he took from me. But for what we could have been if things had been different. For the life we could have had together.
