Page 98 of Stone
I moved toward the door leading to the deck. She wasn’t outside. She actually thought she was going to leave the situation like this? Not a fucking chance. I headed down the hallway toward the bedrooms. Instead of choosing the main bedroom, she’d retreated to the guest room where she’d stayed the first couple of nights.
I was about to pound on the door when a noise caught my attention. She was sobbing, the wretched sound unmistakable. Shrinking back, I closed my eyes as I thought about what to do. The decent man in me should walk in and comfort her.
But at that moment, I wasn’t certain there was any decency left in me. Not a fucking scrap. Instead of being a good guy, the hero she needed me to be, I walked away.
With my drink and the bottle of booze in my hand, I headed outside onto the deck. I’d never been one to feel sorry for myself, but tonight was a different story.
I’d lost the woman I’d loved for twenty years. Now I realized I’d lost the chance to get to know my own son.
His first smile.
His first words.
The first time he crawled then walked.
The first day of school.
His first prom.
Hell, his first little league game or surfing competition.
The thought at least brought a slight laugh.
Graduating high school.
Dating.
Curfews.
Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. I poured the glass almost completely full, allowing the swell of anger to form and peak until I was seething.
I threw back enough liquor to fucking choke a horse, yet it didn’t help. There was no comfort, no understanding of what the fuck I was supposed to do with this. I dropped my head, finally succumbing to self-deprecating sorrow. Maybe I deservedto wallow in misery. Would anything have changed if I’d tried to contact her more often?
What if I’d known she was pregnant? What then?
Would I have quit the Navy or instead insisted she and the baby come live with me on some base? When I was sent overseas, what then? Leave them all alone, and that’s what would have occurred because her fucking father would have cut her off from everything. Money. Support. Love.
There were no correct answers. There was nothing that could make me feel any better and I certainly couldn’t help Dani. Not like this.
Why hadn’t she told me? Why?
Okay, so when she was pregnant and so young, maybe she hadn’t been equipped for the emotional distress, but now? Nothing made any sense any longer.
One thing about the insanity rang true. I needed and deserved to know the truth behind the bullshit. There was one place to start.
I yanked out my phone, gulping down more whiskey before thumb dialing Gray’s number. With the phone to my ear, I took another deep breath. Unfortunately, calming down wasn’t an option. Maybe not ever.
Maybe it was after one in Hawaii, but Gray should be enjoying his first cup of coffee for the morning in Virginia. Alexandria to be exact. Close proximity to the great big think tank he and his old buddies had created.
“Did something happen?” Gray asked by way of answering.
“Why would you think that?” I laughed bitterly and gulped down another swallow of booze.
“Because it’s after one in the morning your time.”
“Maybe I was just interested in seeing if you told more truthful lies in the morning.”
Gray exhaled. “What is going on?”
