Page 60 of The Secret of the Dashing Detective
“Of course,” he said, slowly letting her go. “Where are we going?”
“The printers,” she said in a loud whisper with a flash in her eyes, and he smiled, glad that she was seeing at least one of her dreams coming to fruition.
She gathered all she needed, including Abigail, and then they left, Matthew climbing atop the carriage as he always did, which gave him some time to gather his thoughts after all he had just heard.
The more he thought about it, the more he was convinced that the dowager duchess was right. It was everything he already knew, everything that he had told himself and Juliana, but he had allowed Juliana and his love for her to overcome those nagging thoughts.
They arrived at the shop that Juliana had selected, and he followed her in, standing to the side as he allowed her to speak to the printer alone, not wanting to interfere. He was impressed as she managed to negotiate a rather reasonable price, and she made a plan for distribution of the pamphlets as well. Her eyes shone when they left, and he wished that he didn’t have to bring all her joy to a halt, but he did need to speak to her.
“When we reach Mayfair, would you like to walk for a time?”
“I would love to,” she said, although there was some question in her eyes, but it would have to wait. When they reached the edge of her neighborhood, he had James stop the carriage and he helped Juliana out, while Abigail sat up top where she could watch them.
Juliana slipped her arm through Matthew’s, and it felt so natural that he couldn’t help but hold it close against him, taking all he could from this time together while he wondered how much longer they would have with one another.
“How much of the conversation with my mother did you hear?” she asked, immediately aware of what he wanted to discuss.
“Most of it, I would think.”
“I am so sorry, Matthew. I—”
He had to stop her. “Juliana, you shouldn’t have told Lord Hemingway you wouldn’t marry him.”
“Whyever not?” she said, stopping their forward progress. “I cannot marry him. I don’t love him. Not the way I love you.”
He closed his eyes as her words brought so much joy and yet so much pain. “Juliana, your mother is right. I cannot provide you with the life that you deserve.”
“It has nothing to do with what Ideserve,” she said hotly. “I can choose the life I want, and, if you will have me, I want you.”
“You are the sister of a duke.”
“I am a woman.”
She was making this very difficult for him.
“Juliana—”
“Please do not make decisions for me, Matthew. We said we would see where this takes us. Let us do that, at least, without allowing my mother to make the decision for us. Do you really believe me so shallow that I would give up the man I love for the grandeur of life?”
“I—”
They had started walking, and already Warwick House was looming in the distance. Matthew opened his mouth to respond, but a creature started running toward them, one he soon recognized as a dog.
“Lucy!” Juliana cried as she bent and picked up the dog – the dirty, mangy dog – in her arms, likely ruining the beautiful morning gown she wore. “Were you waiting for me? I am so sorry that I have no scraps with me.”
She walked with the dog, speaking to it the whole time, as Matthew watched her go, wondering what the hell he was supposed to do about all of this.
* * *
Juliana understood Matthew’s concern.She understood her mother’s concern. She understood her own concerns. She just wasn’t sure how to determine which were most valid.
She was hoping Emma could help her settle her feelings, and when her friend came to visit her room as they prepared for a ball that evening, she couldn’t help but unburden the entirety of the dilemma upon her.
Emma listened, wide-eyed and interested, as Juliana told her entire tale, sitting in that regal way of hers until Juliana had run out of words.
“Well,” she said, blinking at the end. “That is quite a conundrum.”
“It is,” Juliana said, sighing as she threw herself dramatically back on the bed.
