Page 64 of The Secret of the Dashing Detective
“He has decided that you no longer need protection,” Matthew said, his brows creasing together. “But I do ask you to be careful, Juliana. Keep your knife with you, even if it seems ridiculous. Do not go anywhere alone – take someone else besides Abigail with you. Have at least three or four people with you everywhere you go, even if that includes footmen. I will try to have Owen watch out for you when he can.”
Juliana’s confusion grew the more Matthew spoke.
“But… what about you?”
“I am no longer in your brother’s employ.”
“Yes, but surely the two of us will still see one another?”
His lips pursed together.
“Perhaps we should walk in the gardens.”
“Very well,” Juliana said, her heart beating hard at the expression on Matthew’s face. She didn’t like where this was going. She didn’t like it at all.
She found her bonnet and the two of them walked outdoors, not earning any cursory glances from the servants, for none of them yet knew that Matthew had been dismissed.
Once they were out of view from the house, Matthew took a great intake of breath and turned to Juliana, his expression unreadable.
“Juliana, I need you to know how much I care for you.”
“I care for you as well. In fact, I love you,” she emphasized, needing him to understand how true her words were.
“I am a lucky man to deserve even a hint of your affection,” he said, his hands behind his back when she wished that they were outstretched toward her, around her body, anywhere but kept away from her. “And, in fact, I have taken too much of it. I have allowed this to go on for far too long.”
“What are you talking about?” she asked in growing panic, tilting her head to the side.
“This is goodbye, Juliana,” he said softly. “This is not a world in which the two of us can be together.”
It took a moment for his words to sink in, for her to understand exactly what he was saying.
“How can you say that?” she protested, her pain emerging as anger as she lashed out, striking his chest. “That is not for you to decide.”
“It is for both of us to decide,” he said, and she hated how stoic he was, standing there staring at her. “I cannot provide you with the life you deserve.”
She stepped closer to him, needing him to understand. “It is not a particularlifeI want, Matthew. It isyou. I don’t care what comes with it. I want to live my life by your side, in whatever way that means.”
“You do not know what you are saying.”
“I do!” she exclaimed. “I have seen where you live, what your family is like. I enjoy my time with them. I have no qualms about taking care of a house. I will have much to learn, yes, but I am willing and capable.”
“What if, at some point, you decide you are no longer happy with the arrangement? You will be stuck, for the rest of your life.”
“How can you tell me what I would feel? I thought you understood better than any other man that I have a right to think and feel as I choose.”
“I know you are perfectly capable of doing so, Juliana, but you are young and—”
She scoffed at that, annoyed that he would think so little of her and whether or not she would know her own mind.
“Plus,” he continued, “have you ever considered what your mother would think of the match? Or your brother? If your family refuses to acknowledge our union they may no longer welcome your presence in their home.”
That took Juliana aback for a moment. He was right – she was well aware that her mother wouldn’t approve of the two of them, but she had difficulty considering that any of her family members would refuse to speak to her again.
“We will figure it out. Together,” she said earnestly, but he just sighed and shook his head.
“I don’t think it is the best of ideas, Juliana.”
“Thebest of ideas?” she repeated. “How can you put it so casually? We are talking about our lives. Our love!”
