Page 34 of The Earl's Secret
“What I tell you, can it please stay between us?” she asked, and they both nodded.
“Of course,” Faith said.
Cassandra proceeded to tell them most of what had happened, noting their gasps of shock and outrage.
“I shall tell Mother,” Faith said, indignation taking over her expression. “She will make sure that he never shows his face here again. In fact—”
“No,” Cassandra shook her head. “Please don’t. That would just make everything worse. For it appears that most already think I am something of a… of a …”
Hope held up a hand, shaking her head. “Do not say it, Cassandra. Do not even think it, for it will only give them the satisfaction of believing they have affected you. You know what kind of a person you are, what matters, and what you are deserving of. We know it too.”
Of course, they didn’t know the full story, but the fact they believed in her certainly meant something.
“Thank you,” she said softly, realizing, for the first time, that she didn’t feel entirely like a fraud for agreeing with someone who didn’t know the full story of her life. For she was not the type of woman to give herself freely to any man. She had given herself to Devon, and only him.
Would she do so again, knowing what she knew now? For even if she did once more, there was a very good chance he would leave her once more, that now he would think her to be a woman looking for fun with him again. And she wasn’t sure she would be able to take another dismissal from him.
The question wasn’t whether she wanted him. It was whether he wanted her in turn – and whether she could ever trust him again.
CHAPTER14
Cassandra didn’t have the chance to speak to Devon alone again until they returned to Castleton the next day. Her mother had remained awake throughout the carriage ride home, and fortunately, didn’t seem to have any suspicion that dramatics had occurred the night before. Instead, she chattered on about who she had seen, the latest gossip she had heard, what each guest was wearing, and the other house parties she had been told to expect that summer. She briefly commented on her own wish to one day host a party again, but Cassandra knew she would never do so until she felt that she could properly showcase Castleton once more.
Both Cassandra and Gideon had invited friends from time to time in the past, but nothing that could be considered a formal house party – at least, not to her mother.
Cassandra had felt Devon’s gaze upon her, had known that he wanted to ask if she was all right, how she had slept, whether or not she had seen Lord Amberdash again, but she had just shaken her head slightly at him to tell him that all was fine, and they would speak more once they returned to Castleton.
Now here they were. The journey had taken just a half day and they had left around noon, which meant that dinner would be prepared shortly. Cassandra, however, didn’t think she could sit through another meal with Devon staring at her, silently asking her questions while neither of them could say what was truly on their minds.
One thing was for certain – he was, perhaps, not the man that she had thought he was. When she had told him her story of being found in dishabille and being sent away to the institution, he had seemed truly surprised, as though he hadn’t been aware of all that had occurred. If he had been… would he have done anything different? And if she had given him the opportunity to speak to her afterward… just what would he have said?
She had just left her bedroom to seek him out before dinner when she heard the closing of another door down the hallway and she jumped when he turned the corner of the corridor, stopping abruptly at his sudden presence.
“Cassandra,” he said, her name on his lips causing her toes to curl and her chest to warm.
“I was just coming to find you,” she said, hoping her reaction wasn’t obvious.
“Well, here I am,” he said, walking toward her, reaching out and running a hand down her arm in a gesture that could not be misconstrued for anything besides affection. “Are you well?”
“I am.”
“Truly?”
“Yes, thanks to you,” she said, beginning to walk with him down the hall. “Did you happen to see Lord Amberdash again before we departed?”
“No,” he said, his brow furrowing. “I am not sure whether I am glad of it or disappointed. For I would have liked to have told him more of what I thought of his actions.”
“I wonder though…”
“You wonder what?”
“Would he have tried such a thing with any woman, or just with me? I knew there was some scandal attached to my name, but I didn’t know it was to the point that gentlemen would think I was interested in just anyone.”
He sighed as he ran a hand through his hair. “The truth is, I had never heard such a thing, but then, all know how close I am with your brother, and no one would ever say it in his presence. I know you are not that woman, Cassandra, and I am also aware that I never should have done what I did. It makes me no better than damn Lord Amberdash.”
She stopped, turning toward him, placing a hand on his arm. “You are nothing like him.”
“No?” he raised a brow. “Did I not—”
