Page 50 of The Earl's Secret
“No,” he said, sitting up from his lounged position to look directly into her eyes. “I didn’t suspect any of that, because I already knew you. I knew who you were, what was in your soul, and I certainly never meant for things to go as far as they did. All I wanted that night was to tell you what I felt for you, what I hadalwaysfelt for you. Instead, I ended up showing you, and it all ended up coming back to slap me in the face. It would have been much better had I simply told you how I felt first. Then you would never have wondered whether or not what happened between us had any meaning.”
She nodded, tears prickling the back of her eyes.
“This is why I do not want what we feel for one another to be kept secret any longer,” Devon continued. “If others were aware that I was courting you, perhaps no one would be inclined to have any reason to think you might be… accepting of their affections.”
That had Cassandra’s spine stiffening. “I should not need to be possessed by a man for there to be any question as to whether or not I am some kind of trollop.”
“I never meant that,” he said with a sigh, and she knew what he was thinking – that she was making this difficult for him, always putting up barriers. But, above anything, she had to protect her heart. And as much as she did have feelings for Devon, she still had to know that he would allow her to be her own woman, that he wanted her for her, that there would never be the opportunity for him to leave her again.
“I know,” she said, taking some pity on him. “I just want to be able to make my own choices and to be seen for myself rather than who I am in relation to my brother or the man I might one day marry.”
He looked at her with some pity, and she knew exactly what that expression meant – that she was a fool for thinking such a thing, for this was the way the world worked, and she might as well just get used to it, for it wasn’t going to change.
At least he was smart enough not to say the words aloud.
“Can I ask you a favor?” she said, looking up from her invitations at him, and he seemed wary, but he nodded.
“Of course. I will grant it if it is in my power.”
“Will you tell me if you and Gideon find anything in your search, or if you solve the riddle?”
He tilted his head at her, as though he could read her thoughts.
“As you will be conducting a search of your own, will you not?”
“I was going to do so from the start,” she said with a shrug. “It would make more sense to do so together, but if Gideon is not going to allow it, then—”
“I will talk to him,” Devon said. “I do not like the thought of you searching alone.”
“Because trouble might find me?” She arched a brow, and he frowned.
“Cassandra—”
“I am teasing you,” she said, reaching a hand out toward him, pitying him and all he had to put up with. “I know I am not the easiest woman to be around, truly I do. I argue and I do like to be in control, and I often feel slighted by the way that others – most especially men – act around me.” Her voice softened then as she stared at him. “But I care for you, and I understand how you might feel. Gideon is right. I often find myself in troublesome situations. I am just not sure if it is because I am unlucky or because I don’t back down when I should.”
“Youarerather stubborn,” Devon said, but quickly proceeded with, “but that is something that I appreciate about you. It is not a reason to doubt yourself.”
“Thank you,” she said with a small smile.
“As for this riddle,” he said, tapping a finger on his lips, “I know how frustrating it is becoming to have no leads and no results from searching. However, I believe we would be best served to solve the riddle rather than to continue to search all of Castleton. This estate is huge and we do not even know how small or big the treasure is. We could spend years searching and still not find anything.”
“You have a point,” she murmured. “So why did you humor me all of this time since we arrived?”
“Isn’t it obvious?” he asked, and when he smiled at her, Cassandra wished his dimples were not quite so deep, for it made him rather difficult to resist. “Because I wanted to spend more time with you.”
“Even when we first arrived?” she asked, feeling her brows rise along with her incredulity.
“Even more so then,” he said. “For it was the one way that I knew you would allow me to be in your presence.”
“You’re very sweet.”
“Like sugar.”
She shook her head, then, laughing at him. “What will we do when all of our friends arrive?”
He shifted forward on the sofa, leaning down with his elbows upon his knees. “When you are ready, I will speak to Gideon about courting you,” he said. “Although perhaps you are right and the best time for that is when we are not living under the same roof. For it would only bring about suspicion that we have been alone together – and we would never be allowed this freedom again.”
“As we have right now?” she asked, her eyes flicking to the door, which he had left open, although no more than a crack.
