Page 43 of The Lord's Compass
“It was more than that.”
Faith’s eyes were hooded, her expression hidden as she watched his finger.
“We do not need to speak of this,” she said, her voice just above a whisper.
“I think we do,” he said, reaching up and using his forefinger and thumb to lift her chin so that she was looking at him. “Do you know how excited I was? I thought I had finally found a woman who I could spend more than one night with. Who would not bore me. Who had as many answers as she did questions. Who yearned for more in life than a title. Our conversations on the dance floor, or in the gardens, they meant something to me. As did our kiss.”
“That was my first kiss,” she said quietly. “But it certainly wasn’t yours.”
Her comment took him aback. He hadn’t thought that mattered to her, but it appeared he was wrong.
“No,” he agreed. “It was not.”
“Our conversations meant something to me too,” she said. “And our kiss was… everything. It waseverythingto me. But I know it meant nothing to you.”
“How can you say that?” he asked, both truly curious as well as slightly annoyed that she would assume such things about him. “You have no idea what I was thinking. And that night, the night that I thought was the start of, well, the start of a life together, you just left, like?—”
“Like I saw you kissing another woman?” Her head snapped up as she was no longer hiding her emotion, but allowing him to see the anger that was written upon it – anger, and pain.
He opened and closed his mouth as he tried to find the correct response.
“That wasn’t what it looked like—” he attempted, but she wasn’t listening.
“I came back to find you,” she continued, bitterness dripping off her every word. “There you were, hidden in an alcove, kissing another, as though nothing had happened between you and me.”
Eric rubbed his temple as he remembered the details of that night. The encounter had been so brief in a place so obscured that it had never occurred to him that they could have been seen. But of course they had. By the one person who mattered the most.
“I thought she was you,” he explained, staring at her imploringly, wishing she would believe him. “I had closed my eyes, if the truth be told, and found that spot in the alcove to sleep off some of the drink. When I felt lips on mine, in my dreams, I assumed you had returned. I told the woman to leave me alone, but you must have missed that part. I had no idea you saw it.”
He met her eyes, finding that she was blinking tears away, but he said nothing when she hid her face.
“That is quite the story,” she finally said.
“It is the truth,” he said with a shrug. “Believe it if you wish. Or don’t. But know that I am not one to lie – especially to you. Faith, the way I feel about you is never going to change. I will also not, however, spend the rest of my life trying to prove to you that I am a better man than you believe me to be. If you cannot accept my truth, then so be it. Once we return to England, you go your way and I will go mine.”
He knew that his words might be harsh – and they killed him to say – but she had to understand his perspective.
“This is about your pride, then?” she said in a gutted voice.
“Call it what you want,” he said, pushing himself up and off the bed, surprised by his response to her lack of trust in him, “but that is my truth. I am a powerful man, it seems, in every way but when it comes to you.”
She stayed where she was, lying on the bed, her eyes averted from him. He longed to kiss away the tension on her forehead, to heal all of her wounds, both the physical ones and those inside of her, but he knew that he had done what he could. All that was left now was to wait. Wait for her to recognize her worth, and to realize that he was the man who would always respect it.
He just wasn’t sure how long it would be until his patience wore out.
CHAPTER14
Faith was miserable.
Part of it was that her ankle was causing not only pain but also inhibiting her from moving about and accomplishing what they had come here to do.
The other part was realizing that Eric spoke so much truth.
She wasn’t sure if he actually cared about her as much as he purported to or whether he was simply speaking sweet words to her to try to return to her bed. But he was correct in that she didn’t quite trust that he could actually want her because he enjoyed her company. She knew she could be prickly, unwilling to show anyone what she was truly thinking – for she was too afraid of what they might think of her in turn.
This was all quite convoluted, especially as the two of them were currently posing as husband and wife. But not tonight. Tonight, she would stay in her own chamber and he within his.
They hadn’t needed to speak about it. She had understood from their conversation that she had to be the one to open the door – literally and figuratively – and take the next step. She just wasn’t sure how far that journey would take them.
