Page 70 of The Lord's Compass
“You’d had a fair bit of whiskey that night, it’s true,” she said, her voice warm and melodic. Faith had never had an issue with her until that evening, and she hated how petty she was for disliking the woman now. “Do not worry, Lady Ferrington. I have no interest in taking your husband away from you. I am usually more interested in having fun since I am married myself and all. Did the two of you marry for love or…”
She let the remainder of the thought dangle in the air, and Faith understood. She was asking if she had permission to have some “fun” with Eric again.
She knew he would deny her. How could he not, when Faith was sitting right next to him? But she also knew that he likely wanted to tell Lady Montgomery otherwise. Lady Montgomery was beautiful, experienced, vivacious, flirtatious – everything that Faith wasn’t.
If they had married for love, then perhaps she could believe that Eric wanted her and only her.
But she had trapped him into this marriage, whether she had meant to or not.
He hadn’t asked her to join him on the ship, but once she had, he’d had no choice but to stay with her to keep her safe.
She had sealed their fates and now he was stuck with her.
Faith couldn’t take it a moment longer.
“If you might excuse me,” she said before sliding to the edge of the bench, her skirts catching on the edge as she did so rapidly. Eric was watching her with worried eyes and stood along with her, but before he could say anything she turned and fled, the innkeeper calling her name as she pushed open the heavy timber door and hurried down the cobblestones.
Lady Montgomery likely thought her gone mad, but Faith didn’t care any longer. She had no idea where she was going. She just had to go somewhere – anywhere – away.
“Faith!”
Eric’s low voice vibrated toward her, and she lifted her skirts and hurried away as fast as she could, even though the rational part of her mind told her that there was no way she could ever outrun him. His legs were too long, his stride was too strong, and his resolve would be too determined.
She was trapped, just as much as he was. Why wouldn’t he just let her go?
Faith finally stopped when she reached a clearing on the edge of the small town, unable to continue any longer. Her lungs were heavy and her breathing fast. She threw one arm across her forehead as Eric’s footsteps thundered behind her. When he caught her, he didn’t touch her, but just stood behind her, waiting.
His breathing was hardly even heavy. Of course.
“Faith?” he finally said, his voice tentative. “Where are you going?”
“Away.”
“From me?” he said, his voice almost breaking, and Faith’s resolve wobbled for a moment.
“From the reminder of who you are. Of what you could have if I wasn’t holding you back.”
“Faith, I do not even remember that woman or know who she is. I only recognize her husband, who was a friend of my father’s.”
“I know,” Faith said, finally turning around and allowing her hands to fall at her side. “That is entirely the problem.”
“Faith,” Eric said, scratching his forehead. “I am so confused.”
She sighed. “I know you are.” She reached out and picked up his hand, leading him over to a large rock, taking a seat beside him while the sun’s rays reached them both, warming them. She wished they could stay here forever.
“Explain to me what I have done wrong.”
“Nothing,” Faith said, blinking away the tears that burned the back of her eyes that he thought this was somehow his fault. “You have done absolutely nothing wrong. It is me. I am the problem.”
“You are not a problem, Faith.”
She turned to him, then, meeting his hazel eyes, the color of tea with a generous serving of cream. He was so handsome it was hard to believe that he was hers. But was he, in truth?
“I saw that woman kissing you that night but a short time after I did myself. When I kissed you, it meant everything to me. You were the first and last man I ever kissed. But you have been with so many women that your kiss with her does not even register. We suit one another, yes, but it is hard to believe that I will always be enough for you. You have a past, one that is full of women who warmed your bed and satisfied you. I simply read books about it. You are warm, caring, the light of every room, and I am the opposite in every way. How can I possibly ever be enough for you? And do you want me to be when you could have women such as Lady Montgomery?”
He blinked but didn’t say anything right away. “Do you truly think that about yourself?” he finally asked slowly.
She straightened her spine. “I know that I have a lot to offer. I do. I do not pity myself nor believe anything poorly about who I am. I have learned that I am better than that. But I still do not know how any one woman can make up for all of the women you had before.”
