Page 36 of The Duke's Treasure
He caught her just before she reached the fountain, and she whirled around, batting his arm away.
“Let me go, Edward, please,” she said, desperation in her voice.
“Never,” he said, meaning it with all of his heart.
“I should not have been eavesdropping, I know that,” she said, setting her shoulders back, and he knew she was likely trying to be strong. “I am sorry Edward, but this was foolish. I never should have come here.”
His heart began to drop as he knew what she was about to say before she even said it.
“I am going to go home.”
CHAPTER 13
“You are being impulsive,” he said to her revelation, which only served to anger her, an emotion slightly preferred over melancholy. Her heart broke at the thought of leaving him, but what had she been thinking in accompanying him here?
“I was being impulsive when I made the decision to come with you,” she said, waving her hands out to the side. “Your mother is right. You are one of the most powerful men in the country, and I know nothing of English politics nor what would be expected of me. Our countries do not even get along. I will be an outcast, especially without your mother’s backing.”
“She’ll come around,” he said, urgency in his voice. “She has all of these ideas in place from her upbringing, but she’s actually a good sort, deep down. Once she gets to know you, all will be fine. Mariana,” he stepped closer to her. “I need you. Please don’t leave me.”
His eyes were so desperate, his voice so broken, but Mariana told herself to keep her will strong.
“What if she is right?” she said. “What if I cannot have children? It is not as though I laid with my husband often, but…” she trailed off. “You could have no heirs.”
“If you were listening, then you know what I said. Arthur could have them.”
“It doesn’t sound like your brother wants to marry.”
“He will, in time,” Edward said with confidence. “Arthur always does what is right.”
She shook her head. “As should we. Like it or not, Edward, we are not the sort of people who can simply do as we please. That is not the life we were born into. I want to be with you, I do, but I am clearly not welcome, and I do not have a life here without you. You have a woman waiting for you, a woman who would do much better in the role. It is best I let you go – that I letusgo.”
“Then I will come after you,” he said fiercely, stepping toward you. “I will not let you go so easily.”
“If you care for me,” she said, staring at him meaningfully, even as her heart was breaking, “then you will.”
She saw the indecision on his face, knew how much she was hurting him – but she also knew that in the end, it would be better this way. It would only hurt all the more if they did marry and he came to resent her when she couldn’t be the woman he needed.
“I wish our lives were different,” he said, swallowing, looking off into the dark gardens in the distance.
“As do I,” she said softly, reaching her hand out toward him. “I will never forget you and this time we had together.”
She didn’t tell him what she was really feeling in that moment – that she knew, deep within her soul, she would never have another man, would never allow another in. For she loved him, thoroughly, but to stay would only make his life more difficult, and she wasn’t about to do that to him. He said he wanted her, and she knew that he did, but in time, once he saw how a Spanish wife made his life more difficult, he would wish it were otherwise.
Mariana had already suffered through one marriage with a husband who did not love her, who treated her cruelly. While she knew that Edward would never be that way, she also did not want to have any regrets. She had told herself that she would live without a man, and now she realized that she must honor that promise to herself.
“I will leave tomorrow, if you can help me,” she said, and he nodded, still not speaking, his jaw tense and his face turned away from her. She wished he would say something, would shout at her, or show any emotion, instead of just standing there, staring out with despair on his face.
“Very well,” he finally said, dropping her hand. “If that is what you wish.”
And with that, he walked off into the night.
That night wasone of the longest of Mariana’s life. It killed her that she had hurt Edward as she did, but she didn’t know what other course she could take. She was adrift, unsure of herself, not a situation she enjoyed. They couldn’t change the life they were born into. It was as simple as that.
Finally, after tossing and turning for hours, she pushed herself out of bed, picking up a lantern and starting down the corridor, not knowing what she was searching for but knowing she couldn’t lie there in her bed for another minute.
She let herself out into the night, into the crisp, cold air, present here in England even in summer, so different from the lush, humid tropics of Spain that she was used to.
She let out a sigh as she sat down on one of the benches near the house, not wanting to venture too far onto the grounds alone at this hour, but needing the peace the outdoors broughther. She pulled her wrapper tighter around herself, wishing for warmth – in the form of the climate or Edward’s arms. But that was never to be again.
