Page 36 of Her Runaway Duke
“I didn’t do what I should have done. You are the last person who should have been saving those horses. That was my job. I am not only the lord of this manor and all that reside within it – people and animal alike – but I have been trained to protect those around me, not to put them in further danger.”
“I am not speaking about what happened today,” she clarified, “although I should note that this is the third time you saved me – the first from the highwaymen, the second in the library when I fell from the ladder. I would say that you have proven yourself to be a rather adept protector. But what I am wondering is what happened in your past that has caused you to be so terrified of fire? I know that youwantedto go into thestables today, but something prevented you from doing so. Your scars look like burns to me. Did it happen during the war? Or were you there when your home burned down?”
“Are you trying to gather gossip so that you can add to the fodder about me?”
She allowed his acidic words to slide off of her, knowing that he didn’t mean them – not against her.
“We both know that I am not returning to London anytime soon,” she said, meeting his eye and arching a brow. “Nor am I one to add to any gossip. I sense, however, that you have never spoken about what happened to you and I think, perhaps, it is time that you did so. Now, tell me. What has you so afraid?”
Levi lowered his head,resting his face in his hands, unable to look at her any longer. She was right. He had never spoken about it. Fitz knew the particulars, but most of it he had gathered from servants who had shared some of the facts of the day with him.
She was so intent on labelling him this savior figure. However, he wondered if he should tell her the truth – maybe then she would understand that he didn’t deserve any of the accolades or compliments she sent his way.
“You know that I was in the army,” he said, his mind leaving the room they were in, this conversation between them, and heading back years in time but felt like another lifetime entirely. “I was an officer, of course, my brother having purchased my commission, as I told you. When I entered the war, I was doubtful, resentful, wanting to return to the life that I had left.”
He stood now, hands in his pockets as he walked away from the bed and stared out the window at the land before him, the sky as grey and cloudy as his mood. Guilt washed over him at theemotions he had held toward the brother who had only wanted what was best for him.
“Over time, I began to… not necessarily enjoy what I was doing but I did lean into the purpose it had provided me. I learned what I was capable of as I became responsible and protective of those who were under my leadership.”
That part of the story was the easy part to tell. It was what came next that he struggled with.
“My father died ten years ago, and my brother, who was five years my senior, became a tremendous duke. He was the man who every woman wanted and every other man wanted to be. He was prepared to marry the jewel of the season, although the two of them did seem rather ill-matched. He had the lands in order, the house at its peak. He was a stand-up member of Parliament, never missing a session, always ready to attend any function required of him. My mother had been so proud of him before she died.” He paused for a moment, remembering how he had never felt that he could measure up, that he was always lacking in some way, which was why he had tried to be someone else instead of a shadow of his brother.
“It was her funeral which brought me home. I was on leave, at our family estate. I am sure you heard what happened. There was a fire. I was out on a ride when it broke out in the kitchen. It should have been contained there, but there was so much happening throughout the home that there was much to catch flame. The structure was stone, but the fire was strong and ripped through the areas we so commonly used – kitchen, dining room, drawing room.
“I returned right when my brother was preparing to enter. I wanted to see to our safety, but my brother said he was the leader of the estate, and he should be the one to make sure that no one was left behind. He entered the kitchen to save a scullery maid who had become trapped behind a table. Just as he wasleading her out the door, a timber fell on top of him, crushing him, although somehow, he managed to push the maid out of harm’s way.”
A choked sob emerged from Siena, and he closed his eye at the pain that remained, that was resurfacing from this telling.
“I tried to lift it off of him, truly I did. But it was wedged in tightly and was far too heavy to even budge. From what I’m told, eventually the fire overtook me. It was burning my clothes when one of the footmen pulled me off of my brother and managed to put out the flames upon me, although it left its mark.”
He didn’t know she had moved behind him until her hands pressed softly around his waist. Before he knew what was happening, she was resting her head against his back, her arms wrapping around him.
“By the time they put out the fire, my brother was gone. Burned. They thought I was going to die as well, and I should have.”
He turned around to face her fully, pushing away her arms, needing her to understand that he didn’t deserve this from her.
“It should have been me who died instead.”
CHAPTER 13
Siena’s breath caught in her throat, her heart breaking at the pain that dripped from Levi’s words. His shoulders tensed as he stepped back from her and pushed her away.
She had known his story would be difficult, but she had never expected just how raw and emotional it would be. Anguish washed over his face as the guilt practically seeped out of him. Siena reached out a trembling hand, cupping his cheek gently, her voice barely above a whisper.
"Levi, you can't blame yourself for what happened. It was a tragedy, an accident... you did everything you could to save him. More than most people ever would," she implored, her eyes pleading with him to see the truth in her words.
Levi closed his eye, his jaw clenched tight, and Siena could only imagine the flood of memories that sharing had brought up. He had carried this burden for so long that the weight must have been crushing him.
Siena took a chance and stepped in toward him, staring up at him earnestly, needing him to know that all hope was not lost.
"You don't understand, Siena," he murmured hoarsely, his hands trembling at his sides. "I failed him in the worst way. Hewas a good man. Such a better man than I. What was the point of it all?”
“I wish I knew,” she said, reaching up and lifting her hands to his face, feeling the puckered scars beneath her fingers, knowing how much the burns still pained him. What must it be like to walk around with a constant reminder of the worst moment of your life? “What I do know is that if he was as good of a man as you say he was, then he wouldn’t want you to live like this. Alone. Shut off from the world on this estate, pushing everyone away from you. What would he want you to be doing?”
“Being a good duke, I suppose,” he muttered, his good eye catching hers.
“But in your own way,” she said earnestly. “You cannotbehim. You are not the same person. But you can be the best version of yourself.”
